I officially started back to work on Monday the 13th, though I don't actually return to the office until the 27th because I have some more vacation time banked that I'm using. In these next two weeks before I return to the office full time, I'm "transitioning." I say that I'm transitioning, because isn't that always true? I remember my first day back in the office when Casey was 11 weeks old. All day long, people kept asking, "So, how are you doing?" And it took every ounce of strength not to burst into tears and sobs. I know Casey was fine- he wasn't even three months old-- as long as he got his bottle and someone held him close, he was happy. And Grandma was certainly meeting his needs.
Well, Marcie is a little older. Since we've returned to the U.S., I've been with Marcie every day for a chunk of the day. True, I drop her off at Grandma's around 4pm so I can hustle off to school Monday through Thursday. And she spends almost all day on Sundays with her Dad while I study. But for a healthy chunk of each day, I'm her primary care giver. I have loved this much more than I thought I would. I still don't want to be a full time, stay-at-home mom (though kudos to you who have the personality that makes that job enjoyable). Don't get me wrong. I think stay-at-home moms are incredible. I am so grateful I had one growing up. And our goal is still for my husband to quit his job in the next 3 years so he can be a full-time stay-at-home dad. Anyway, I digress.
I'm transitioning by having Marcie spend more time with her grandmother while I ramp up for final exams. This was a little accidental. I had planned for today to be her first full day with Grandma (full day starting around 9:30am, that is-- which means I'm still up with her for 3 1/2 hours before she's off to Grandma's house). But I did not manage my time well last weekend, got only an hour and a half of sleep Sunday night, and needed to work on a paper yesterday that was due yesterday. So off to Grandma's she went.
She loves being at Grandma's. And my mother-in-law is amazing with her-- she really has a knack for babies. Marcie loves playing at Grandma's house (and so does Casey, for that matter). So I know she is in good hands. Yesterday I barely noticed Marcie was gone. Sure, I paused every hour or so and thought about what Marcie must be doing right then. But I was under such time pressure to get the paper finished, and I was so exhausted that I just didn't think much about it. "Yesterday wasn't so bad," I thought when I drove to drop off Marcie this morning.
But today was weird. I mean, I haven't been home alone since we returned from China. It definitely helps that she's with family and well taken care of. But it was weird. It just didn't feel right. . .
So I thought I should document it. Although I'm documenting this for Marcie, really, I guess it's more of a milestone for me.