Today was my last law school exam. So I'm finished. Unless I failed one of the exams. Which is unlikely. I mean, I know I didn't bomb either of them. Besides, the rumor is that if you do fail a final exam, they have you either write a paper on the topic or retake the test until you pass it. Of course, that all has to happen in the next 9 days or so because graduation is a week from Saturday.
I felt really prepared for both exams. I honestly don't think additional studying would have helped me perform on either of them. Yet I do not feel like I nailed either of them. And in law school, it's never just about you you do-- it's about how you do in comparison to everyone else.
Why do I care? As has been pointed out to me-- I have a job lined up for the fall. My grades don't really matter. I'm not going to be class valedictorian or anything. And even if I did earn Ds in these last two courses, I would still graduate in the top 10% of my class. . .
Well, the answer to that is fear. Pure and simple. I have been number one in my section (not the school, mind you-- just my puny section of students who began law school in the fall of 2003 and will graduate in 2007) since the fall of 2004. That's a long time. And a lot of pressure. Especially since there's no award for being first in the Evening section. Except that there is. An award. For being number 1. And I happen to know that number 2 is less than .05 behind me. So my performance this week will actually determine if I am awarded an honor for being first in my section. It's not the end of the world if I don't get it. I'm still graduating. With honors. But it'd be a bummer to work this hard for this long and then not get that darned award. Of course, I'm sure the #2 person feels similarly!
So even though law school is over and the bar is still a couple months off, I have managed to find something to be obsessed and high-strung about. What a shock.
In the meantime, to help calm my nerves while waiting for the actual awards and graduation ceremonies, I am . . .
My first bar review course started Monday (the day before yesterday). I skipped (gasp!) the first two classes because they conflicted with my final exams, and I'll make up the bar review classes next week.
Geesh. Talk about giving a girl a little bit '0 stress. Have her finish her last final and begin studying for the bar exam before she even gets to celebrate the graduation part!
Oh well. I guess I'd better get used to not having any real vacations if I'm going to be an attorney!