These are photos of our daughter,
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Then, there are additional expenses, depending on your adoption. For instance, in our domestic adoption, we had to make photocopies of our profile, complete with prints of our family photo, and we paid for a facilitator (who more or less connected us with our son's birthmother). Some people also pay for a birthmother's living expenses at the time they match up to 6 weeks after the baby is born. In our international adoption, we had to pay for notarization of all our documents, then we paid to have our County Recorder and our Secretary of State verify the notary, and we paid the Chinese Consulate to authenticate the Secretary of State's seal. We also paid to photocopy the entire dossier (the paperwork that demonstrates we are fit parents, including our employment verification, our physical exams, our proof of insurance, our homestudy, our birth certificates, etc.) before sending it to our agency. We will also provide our child's orphanage a "donation" to help defray the costs of caring for her (or him) until we picked her (or him) up.
All in all, what does that mean, in terms of a bottom line? It's expensive. Non-public agency and private adoptions, including international adoptions, range from a low of about $15,000 to a high of about $30,000. Now, I think don't think I personally actually know anyone who only paid $15,000, but in theory it's possible. I like to think of it as the cost of a car-- without the 5-year financing option. It's really not fair to think of it as "buying" a baby though. I mean, the social worker who sifts through the paperwork, meets you numerous times, and writes the detailed report-- she deserves to get paid. The person who "markets" you by distributing your profile-- they deserve to make a living wage. The social worker who talks to women deciding what to do and who offers lifetime counseling to the child and the birthmother-- she shouldn't work for free. Your doctor won't perform a free exam. More questionable are the ridiculous fingerprinting fees, but everything as a price. It's not the child that costs the money; it's the background check, matching process, and counseling that we're paying for.
And, to be fair, there is a credit. Of course, you don't qualify for the credit until the year the adoption is final-- even if that's three or four or more years after you spent the money. And the credit does phase out at a certain income, even if you met the income requirement in the year you spent the money. And the credit doesn't cover the full cost of the adoption. But it helps. A lot. It's a good thing.
But there are other costs associated with adoption, too-- costs you mostly see on a Lifetime movie. There are emotional costs. It's a giant rollercoster of emotion, and I think that's true whether you adopt domestically or internationally. When we were waiting to adopt Casey, we had the pleasure of speaking to two or three women who were pregnant each month. Some of them we became more attached to than others, and when they decided to parent themselves or selected another family, it was difficult. I mean, it's like interviewing for college or a job-- you are constantly interviewing for parenthood, and you don't know when (or I suppose technically if) anyone will "pick" you. And then there are those unfortunate cases where people are selected by a birthmother and then the birthmother changes her mind. And she should certainly have the right to, but that doesn't make it easy on the prospective adoptive parent. . . And though I find the international process less emotionally stressful, it's not without its difficulties. At least it's a question of when and not if, but that can be stressful too.
This is not to say, of course, that pregnancy and childbirth are not without their own financial and emotional costs. To be sure, they are. Is one harder or worse than the other? I have no idea. But the bottom line is, whatever the cost, once you have your child home with you, you don't really think about it-- because really a child, your child, is priceless.
