Happy Familyversary

Four years ago today, Jason and I sat in a hotel conference room, listening to instructions on how to prepare a bottle "Chongqing" style for our new daughter-to-be.

The room was filled with 17 very anxious, new parents. And as the caretakers carried the babies and sat them down in conference room chairs, we all craned our necks and whispered to our partners and pointed to our children. As soon as they set Marcie down on a chair, she cried.

Then, one by one, we were called to the front of the room. As we were handed our daughter, we paused quickly for a couple of posed photos, then took our children back to our sections of the giant conference room and fed them.


This evening, we found ourselves out to dinner-- just the three of us-- while Casey is at a sleepover. Marcie loved being doted on. So, in that sense, not much has changed.

Happy Familyversary, Marcie!

Today:

Please Help by Writing to your Senators

This is a double-post-- it'll go up on Tate's blog, too. But this blog gets a bit more traffic. Hence the double-post.

We were initially told that if we received our Travel Approval in the next week or so, we could plan for September travel. October travel to China is tricky because of a National Holiday the first week (which shuts everything down) and because of the trade fair, which runs every weekend in October and triples the prices. Many adoption agencies won't schedule travel in October at all. And this year, the Asian Games are in Guangzhou in November-- so the prices are much higher then, as well. So we have been hoping for September travel.

Now we have learned that most of the September consulate appointments are full in September (already!). In the past, agencies have been able to schedule these appointments for about 3-4 weeks after receiving Travel Approval from China. Families swear an oath at these appointments so that their children can receive visas and become U.S. citizens upon entry into the U.S. (or, in cases where only one parent travels, upon completing of additional paperwork after entry into the U.S.). It is a required appointment/event. (They basically shuffle you into a waiting room, have everyone raise their right hand and swear an oath, then file you in several lines to a window where a consulate employee asks if your paperwork is accurate and if you promise to treat your child like your child is your child and you say yes.)

Now we are being told there could be an additional 2 week delay (which definitely pushes us to October) because there are not enough appointment slots available.

The fix is very simple. The consulate can add additional appointments. They could add a second swearing-in (so to speak) for a given day (or two) or just add more people to the ones already scheduled. To make this happen, though, we need to apply PRESSURE. And that's where you come in. PLEASE write to your state senators and congressional representatives. I've made it easy for you. Just cut and paste the text below into an email to your representative. (I've sent in a modified version of what is below.) Here is the link to figure out who your senators are (just choose your state). And here is the link to figure out who your congressional representatives are (enter your zip code).

Dear Senator _______:

I hope that you will be able to help with an issue of great concern to many U.S. families. The U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China issues travel visas for newly adopted children traveling home with their families. A number of families have had difficulty scheduling appointments in September, which has resulted in a delay of a couple weeks before they can travel to meet their children. Additionally, because there are few appointments available, families who anticipate receiving their approval to travel to China are now being told to anticipate even longer delays. This is particularly problematic because of the upcoming Chinese National holidays and a number of special events in Guangzhou throughout October and November, making travel more difficult.

Meanwhile, these children wait in orphanages for their families. Many of these children and their families have been waiting to find each other for years. To be further delayed due to restrictive scheduling is terribly disappointing- and unnecessary.

I would appreciate you taking any action you can to encourage the Consulate to open additional time slots in September and October to accommodate families preparing to be united.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours truly,

(signature)

International Signs

I always thought the international sign for choking was just a natural gesture a choking person would use. 

Not so much.

Last night we went to Souplantation for dinner.  We were in a large group- the four of us, my younger brother’s family of 5, my parents, and my older brother with his three kids.  I’d just placed my tray on the table when my oldest nephew jumped up from his seat and snatched the bottle of water from my tray.

He looked up at me with watery eyes.  “Is it hot, Sal?” I asked.  “Spit it out—if it’s hot, spit it out.”  I thought maybe he’d bitten into a jalapeno or something.

Sal began to jump/stomp his feet, clearly agitated.  He looked up at me again, eyes still watery.  “Are you choking, Sal?” I asked, as I began to move around behind him.  My brother, his dad, was next to me, and he began to move into Heimlich maneuver position, too.  Just then, Sal was able to grasp- with the tips of his fingers- a slice of pickle that had lodged in his throat.

I wrapped my arm around him as the tears began to fall, and then stepped back so his dad could take over.  I could see people around us, whispering and pointing.  And other people who continued to eat, not noticing our drama.

I remembered back to when Casey was 11 months old and I had to perform the baby Heimlich maneuver on him because he got a pizza crust lodged in his throat.  My eyes began to water.

Bob told Sal:  “The good news is that you would not have suffered much longer- we’d just figured out you were choking, and we were going to help you.”  Then he took Sal outside to calm down – and to teach him the international sign for choking.  Hopefully Sal will never need to use it again.

Soccer Madness

Marcie practically begged us to sign her up for soccer. So we did. She was adamant that Jason coach. So he does. She insisted on being on a team with one of her friends. So she is.

So why, why, why did she beat me up when it was time to put on the soccer gear?

First, she insisted that she should not have to wear the yellow team shirt. Then, once we got it on her, she refused to put on shin guards and cleats. After 20 minutes of screaming and crying (her, not me), Jason and Casey left the house without her for the game. And I left her alone.

Sort of. She followed me around the house. And whenever she’d scream at me about how she was missing the game, I’d calmly tell her I knew, and that she could join her team as soon as she put on her soccer gear. After she threw a book at me, I banished her to her bedroom. Then things escalated. So I took away her books. Her music player. Her reading lamp.

I couldn’t keep her in her room, so I tried a baby gate. That took all of about 6 seconds for her to kick down.

Eventually she relented. She agreed to the shin guards and the cleats. She finally let me put her hair up in a pony tail.

We arrived about 5 minutes before the end of the first half and she went straight onto the field to play goalie. Her eyes were puffy and swollen from tears. Her throat was raw from screaming. My lower back was flaming pink from the back-slaps I endured.

I went to the viewing gallery to watch. I waved and smiled. I shouted encouraging things.

Just another day with an almost-five-year old, spicy girl.

Bangs!

All the sun and swimming meant Marcie needed a hair cut. On the way, Marcie says, "Mom, I think I want bangs."


What? Huh? Bangs? This wasn't something I'd discussed with Jason-- and the thing about hair is that once you cut it, you can't uncut it. . .


I really hesitated. But, not surprisingly, Marcie seemed pretty certain. . .


And she looks great!

Corner Turned

Today marked day 3 of no morning tantrums. (Day 5 if you count the weekend, but I don't because weekends are different.) I hope I don't jinx us by writing about it.

Don't get me wrong, Marcie still has puh-lenty of attitude. But she's not using it to throw herself down on the ground or to fling herself (or her words) at me. There just wasn't the usual defiance.

I have no idea what caused the shift. Maybe getting to decide how to arrange her bedroom gave her a sense of control that she's been wanting. Maybe now that she has "three best friends" at school, she's feeling more safe and comfortable going there now. Maybe it's that Jason takes them to school in the mornings instead of me these days.

Whatever it is, I'm glad.

Of course, there's only about a week left of the summer program, then school starts on the 25th. A whole new routine. But at least her "three best friends" will share playtime with her. And odds are that at least one of them will be in her class, as there are only two kindergarten classes this year.

We'll see. But for now, I'll take what I can get. . .

Vote for Kai

My youngest nephew, Kai, has been entered into a contest to become the next Gerber baby. Or at least to win a Flip camera or a college scholarship. Whatever the prize, he needs your vote. You can vote once a day every day for the next month by clicking this link and voting.

In case you’re wondering, he really is that cute. Here’s a photo to prove it:

Now go vote for the cute little guy!

Eleven Years

Happy Anniversary to us.

When I told Marcie we were going on a date, she asked what that was.

I explained that it's time grown ups spend together, alone.


"To get married?" she asked.

"Well, sometimes grown-ups date to figure out if they want to get married," I said.

"But why can't I come with you?" she inquired. "You're already married. I saw the pictures."



The kids spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa S.'s house. We slipped off to see Inception and then headed down to one of our favorite restaurants in Coronado- Peohe's. We were seated right on the water's edge, overloooking the downtown San Diego skyline, and we arrived just in time to see a spectacular fireworks display.


It was a perfect evening.

Talent Show

I've "complained" a few times about how difficult Marcie has been- mostly in the mornings. The other day, in between her fits of screaming, kicking and spitting at me while refusing to get dressed (even with help), she told me she wanted to go back to her preschool because she doesn't have any friends at the new school. I know this isn't so. But transition is rough. So I listened to her. I told her I understood. I explained that she's too big for preschool and that she will make new friends.


On Thursday evening, Marcie announced that she was in the summer talent show. She asked if Aunt Megan would come watch her perform the next day. Of course, Aunt Megan had already left town, so that wasn't possible. Jason couldn't get away for the 1:00 p.m. show either. So that left me. . .


I don't like leaving mid-day because, with the commute, it means missing around 2 or 2.5 hours in the middle of the workday, but it seemed important to her. And I was able to make it work.


I am so. glad. I. did.

The talent show wasn't very good.

But Marcie performed a dance. On. stage. In front of an audience of about 50-60. She didn't chew her nail, stand still, stomp, or even hesitate. She popped up on stage and did her thing.


She was so proud of herself.

And I was proud of her, too. Still am.

Smiley Tate

We received an update on Tate.

Here's his most recent picture:

You can read all about it over on Tate's Blog.

Break-in Update

We're mostly recovered from the break-in.
Jason's parents loaned us their wii.
My sister and brother in law loaned us their flat screen.

We recovered the Kindle (must have dropped it on their way out).
We'll replace the laptop this week.

And we'll replace the other stuff when the insurance stuff clears.

On to other concerns. . .

Robbed

I'm not sure what the proper legal term is-- but our home was robbed today.
Jason and the kids discovered the burglarization when they got home from work/school.

The thief or thieves took our flat screen, my digital camera, Jason's 3-day-old MacBook Pro and the wii (and the wii games). They also took some jewelry (namely a ring my grandmother left to me when she died), though they left most of my nice jewelry behind.

They ransacked the master bedroom-- is that where most people store their most important stuff? Other than the flat screen and Jason's kindle (also stolen), it doesn't look like they took much else from in there (and there wasn't much else to be taken-- though, notably, they did not take my Kindle).

It's hard not to feel violated.
The kids are pretty upset about the wii. But I think they are actually upset about not feeling totally safe like they used to. Jason's laying down with Marcie right now.

I am grateful they didn't find (or perhaps even look for) our passports. If they'd stolen our identities, that would be a nightmare. I'm even more grateful none of us was home. I'm sure this was by design- but I'm still grateful for that.

Home invasions in our neighborhood are very rare. And two neighbors across the street and one of our next door neighbors are home all day (and were today). So I have to wonder how much of it was luck and how much of it was that our home was cased. In the end, I suppose it doesn't matter.

It's not the loss of stuff that hurts (though, I'm not gonna lie-- it sucks and will take a while to replace). It's the feeling that I somehow failed the kids by "letting" this happen. I sure hope this becomes a long distant memory for them, a small blip on their otherwise carefree childhood.

Seattle

We spent the Fourth of July in Seattle. I attended college just south of Seattle in the early 90s and haven't been back in more than 7 years, but the real impetus was spending time with one of Jason's sisters- Jessica.

It was just like I remembered it-- cold and rainy-ish. But that didn't stop us from getting out and about:

On top of the Space Needle.

Inside Pacific Science Center (just before we entered the butterfly room).

On a Duck tour.


From this photo, you'd never know the weather wasn't beautiful-- the sun peeked out for just a few hours that afternoon. This was our view while we boated around Lake Union.

Our 4th of July barbecue was moved indoors for rain, but after dinner all the kids were outside, playing with sparklers and colorful smoke firecrackers (all totally legal), for about an hour until it started getting dark. Casey wasn't too keen on the sparklers, so this is the only one he held.

Marcie, on the other hand, couldn't get enough.

We had a really fantastic time-- and Jason's sister was such a wonderfully gracious host.

Big Changes

I have been remiss in my posting in large part because it's such a pain in the butt to download photos to include. I know, excuses, excuses.

Well, this post is all about Marcie. She's going through a rough patch right now. She has always been opinionated and sassy, but she's really been testing us in the past week and a half or so. Refusing to brush her teeth, comb her hair-- even get dressed. Throwing herself on the floor. Screaming at me. It's like having a teenager in the house. (I'm not-so-secretly hoping that us battling it out while she four and I'm thirty-something means I'll get a reprieve later on in life.)

But, in truth, Marcie is going through a lot of change right now.

Almost two weeks ago now, she graduated from preschool, where she's been hanging out with the same teachers and the same kids for almost 3 full years:

And the very next day (after a celebratory meal at Souplantation), Marcie started ESS, the local after-school care/summer camp program sponsored by our elementary school:


At ESS, Marcie is in a room with the other incoming kindergartners, and Casey is right next door. Each week has a theme, a trip to the movies and the community pool, a bring-your-bike-to-school day, and a field trip somewhere fun. The kids come home exhausted.

I know Marcie will adjust, but it's a big change for her. So we're trying very hard to be very patient. Even when she tells us she wants to go find a new family.

Here We Grow Again . . . Meet Tate!

Born October 26, 2009 in Henan Province and given the name Fu Long Jie by the caregivers at Jiaozuo City Welfare Institute, our son was transferred to Beijing at age 3 weeks, where he remains in a group foster home called Shepherd’s Field Children’s Village (Langfang Village in China) and run by the American-based organization the Philip Hayden Foundation. This means he is receiving extra attention and his caregivers have been trained to work with kids, like Tate, who were born with a special need.

Tate’s special need is a cleft lip and cleft palate.

We think he’s just beautiful, and we can’t wait to meet the little guy in person.

We'll still be posting about our day to day life here (stay tuned for photos of Marcie's preschool graduation!), but because blogger is blocked in China, we've started a separate block to document our journey to China for Tate: www.bsinchina.com

Another One Bites the Dust

So, in case you're keeping count, our small fresh-water fish tank, as of last week, was home to two fish, an algae-eater fish, and a frog (Jeff, Hannah Montana Gabriella S____, Jackson, and Toby, respectively).

While we were away camping, I returned home to feed and take care of the dob (because our original plan fell through), and I gave the fish two flakes of food. That's it. Two flakes. I swear.

On Tuesday we found Jeff floating on his side, at the bottom of the tank-- and Jackson looked like he was sucking Jeff. Eww. We flushed Jeff, and told Casey in the morning. He took it all in stride, which is good. It's just a fish, after all.

In other news, Casey rode his two-wheeler bike at "camp" this week-- successfully! He also actually went rock climbing with some of his classmates and his first grade teacher. And he slept through the big rumbles that we felt here earlier this week (which totally freaked me out).

Marcie is still sassy as ever. She refuses to get dressed in the morning, put her pajamas on at night, or follow directions. She just says, "No, I don't want to." We've tried rewarding her, punishing her, and ignoring her (not all at once). Nothing works. On the one hand, this is terrible for me as her mother. On the other hand, at least I have confidence that no one will convince my daughter to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Camping

Each year we try to do some sort of camping activity. Two summers ago, we took the kids camping up in the Cuyamaca mountains. It was a little hot, but there was plenty of shade, and we just went for one night. That same summer, we took them on a very low-key camping trip to our local lake, where all we had to do was bring a tent and meat for dinner-- the campfire, activities and hiking were all set up for us. But even then, we couldn't help but feel that if we were going to go to all the trouble of packing all that stuff, we should at least sleep in the tent for a couple nights.


Last summer, we tried beach camping with some good friends in a borrowed motor home. To us, it felt like extreme tailgating. The only reason we had space for the kids to play was because the spot next to us was empty. And it was the only one in the whole lot that was empty.

This year, we decided to try out a private camp ground we'd been to about 5 years ago. It's more expensive than state parks. And more crowded. There are some tent-only sites and some RV only sites, and some that allow for both. We did the latter, near the beach. Which turned out to be windy and cold the first night. But by noon on the second day, the weather was beautiful.

The camp ground has a giant play structure, a swim area for the ocean, plenty of sand, bike and boating rentals, and a bunch of heated pools. There is also a skate park, an arcade, a horseshoe area, a cafe with ice cream and a general store. So it's not what you'd call roughing it-- but that's okay with us, too.

This year, our group grew by one family. Casey is about 2 1/2 years older than the next oldest kid, and the youngest is about 22 months old, so the kids get along relatively well. The first night, the kids were so hyped up, we just could not get them to sleep. And just as we got them down, fireworks from Sea World riled them up, so of course we let them get out of bed to watch. That didn't meant they slept in the next morning, though! They were up by 6:30, ready to start their day. The boys napped a bit on Saturday, after swimming, kite-flying and playing in the sand. Then the group rented a giant 11-seater bike contraption, and we pedaled all over the park.

The kids rode their bike all over the asphalt, and then Casey decided he was ready to have his training wheels removed (at long last). (I personally attribute this to him biking with his cousin, who is a year and a half younger than he is and has off the training wheels for about a year now, the afternoon before.) And all be darned. He did it! By the end of the weekend, Casey was riding his bike without his training wheels. (After we got home, Jason took him to parking lot, where he fell for the first time, but wasn't injured too badly-- and now he's up and riding again already!) Here's a snapshot (yes, it's blurry-- he was moving.)


After that, we headed over to the play area, where I proceeded to embarrass Casey by "yelling" at some middle-school-aged-looking kids who were throwing hands-full of the rubber chips from the roof top of the play structure, many of which were landing on other, smaller kids. When Casey saw me explain to them that I understand they were having fun but that it was hurting other kids, he yelled at me: "You're not the boss of the playground!" A nearby dad overheard him, and said: "Do you want me to go find your parents?" Sheepishly, I had to admit I was the parent, and he was sassing me because I'd apparently embarrassed him.

Finally, we headed back to camp for dinner, banana boats and another camp fire.

Sunday morning we packed up camp and headed back home, where the kids and I took nice naps. It was a great weekend-- great friends, great food, great weather-- can't wait to do it again next year!

Here are some photos of the fun:


Left column: the bigger kids getting ready for a walk and roasting marshmallows for s'mores
Middle column: headlight, the girls at the park, Casey in our tent
Right column: Lucas practicing without training wheels, watching the fireworks, Griffin preparing the beer, and the girls

The Red-Eyed Tree Frog

Here's Casey in his class performance about a rain forest. He was the Red-Eyed Tree Frog:




And a very few seconds of a favorite family song:

Angels

Casey's playing baseball this spring.

We really like the coach (he's a neighbor and a good friend).

And Casey seems to be having fun.

I missed the first game-- because the real first game was rained out and then his next game was on a school day. Luckily my parents were in town, and they showed up to cheer for him. He connected with the ball and got on base.

And he repeated the performance on Saturday when I was at the game, too. I'm particularly impressed by this because he's been batting right-handed, but he's really left-handed. It reminds me of that scene from Princess Bride where Indigo thinks he's playing a great trick on Wesley by sword-fighting left-handed, only to reveal that he is really right-handed. And then Wesley, who is also sword-fighting left-handed, also reveals that he, too, is really right-handed. In my mind, one of these days Casey will shout out, amused, "Aha! I am good at hitting. But this is not my best. Because I am really left-handed!" And he'll switch-hit.

Ah, pipe dreams.

Now if we could just get him to stand without locking his arms behind his back so he could actually catch some balls!

Did I mention we've begun work on our retaining wall?

I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced

I read this book this weekend. It's a quick read.
What else can you expect from a 12 year old?
Seriously. This is a true story, a memoir, written by a 12-year-old Yemeni divorcee.

It sounds just awful, doesn't it?
If you google her name, you will happen upon Glamour and CNN stories about her rape and beating. And you'll wonder how her parents could ever let it happen. You'll wonder what her father was thinking arranging the marriage of his 10-year-old daughter to a 30-year-old man. You'll wonder what that 30-year-old man's mother was thinking when she encouraged him to sleep with the girl. You'll wonder what kind of world they live in.

You may even stay awake at night, wondering.

The thing is, it's a story of triumph. A story of the resiliency of a pure-hearted girl. A story of right and wrong and how sometimes the simple truths which should be so obvious get muddled and mucked by grown-ups. There's no real excuse for it.

And Nujood does a pretty good job of explaining what happened, without causing the reader to pity her or her family or her situation-- and without causing the reader to hate her parents. A pretty amazing feat considering what she lived through.

But then, if you haven't noticed yet, Nujood is a pretty amazing girl.

It's a good book. It's interesting. It's not too descriptive, and yet it is fascinating all the same.

Here's the link to it on Amazon, in case you'd like a copy for yourself: I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced.