We Found Baby S. in China

Championship Goal

2011-11-20T10:51:00.000-08:00

I was out of town for work on Saturday.

Casey's soccer team, which had lost a couple games over the season, somehow still managed to end the regular season in second place and was paired against the undefeated- and much bigger- first place team. I caught the last match between the two, and the other team was bigger, but I thought our team was faster. When we played, it was in the middle of the afternoon and it was hot. We held them off for most of the game, but they managed a single goal in the third quarter-- it went right over our goalie's head. Speed can beat size, but it's hard to do in the heat. Still, the boys played a great game.

At the championship play-off, the weather was much different. First, the game was at 8:30 in the morning. Second, it was rainy out. Not pouring, but it drizzled off and on. Also, our boys had not practiced in two or three weeks because of the time change-- just could not find time on a lit field.

At the end of the game, the score was tied. 0-0. So it went into sudden death overtime. Not long into the start of overtime, Casey's teammate made a break-away run toward the goal. He had three defenders on him. But Casey did exactly what he was supposed to do. He ran down the field, stayed in position, and was where he was supposed to be when his teammate, now swarmed by players from the other team, passed him the ball. Without hesitation, Casey captured it, kicked it toward the goal and scored the winning goal.

All the boys high fived hime and cheered. All the parents stood and screamed. After the game, everyone patted him on the head. He later told me he felt so happy and so proud. He got phone calls from grandparents congratulating him, and he got to hear the story re-told over and over again. It was probably one of the very best days of his life to date.

Of course, I wasn't there for any of it (figures, doesn't it), so all I got was a text message explaining briefly that he'd scored the winning goal, and this picture:

Oh, and I got the most amazing welcome home hug when I saw him Saturday evening.

It just goes to show you that it does not matter if you are the tallest or the smartest or even the best at something when you are on a team and you work together. That's what makes for championships. But, boy, it sure is nice to be the guy kicking the ball into the goal.

Happy Halloween!

2011-11-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

With Halloween falling the Monday after Tate's birthday, things have been a bit on the crazy side this year. Last year, when I was home full time on maternity leave, I was able to get the kids all costumed up for their school's "Boogie Bash," get plenty of photos and head off for a fun time. Then, on the day Halloween came, we gathered at a neighbors for pizza before trick-or-treating. Again, plenty of time to get ready.

But things have been a bit more hectic this year.

First, on the afternoon of Boogie Bash, a small client emergency arose at work, which necessitated me working late into the day. Late enough that the family had just planned to go to Boogie Bash without me. Luckily, I was able to make it. But Marcie did not want to wear her pea-hen feathers (smartly), and Casey was worried his tail and feet would get ruined. So we sort of half-way dressed for Boogie Bash. Except Tate-- he was all in as Elmo.

Then, Saturday afternoon, we headed off to another costume party. Again, the kids were meh about the costumes. And we accidentally left Marcie's feathers at home. But Jason and I went all out. We each had two costumes-- our real costumes, and then we also dressed up like one of the couples at the party (Tate joined in the fun, too!).

I had planned to leave work early for Halloween, but again, it just was not going to happen. I hate feeling rushed at work when I have something else at home- so I figured I would just catch up with the family trick or treating. But then I got locked out of the house. And I did catch up. Just in my not-as-comfortable work clothes and shoes. And the kids were wildly uncooperative with photos. So, this was the best I could get:

Agent P (Perry the Platypus) from Phineas and Ferb.
A peahen is a female peacock (we learned that at the zoo in October). Marcie refused to wear her beautiful mask, which had more feathers to compliment the outfit. But that's okay. It was a homemade original, and she thought of it and put it together (except for the feathers, which Jason did) all herself.

Tate was super pleased to be dressed as Elmo. He insisted we keep the head up the whole time. he loved Halloween-- he wanted to stop and touch all the "scary" decorations and everything. A total trooper.

On the way down the street. Tate refused to stand still for any photos with a flash-- the light made him go wiggly. I think this is par for the course with three kids. . .

By the way, we let each child pick a piece of candy to eat on Halloween night, then 5 pieces of candy, one for each of the next five days. The rest gets donated to my office. Some people think we're mean. But how much candy does a kid need? When they were younger, I offered to trade books for candy-- to no avail. Then one year, I offered to buy the candy off of them. No dice. Finally, when I just said they could only keep five pieces, no one gave me a hard time-- so that's been our tradition ever since. They can pick any five pieces they want (except for Casey, for whom we recently cut out certain color dyes and so he was a little more limited). And they love the choosing. Plus putting out tons of leftover candy at work has been a good way to introduce myself to people at the new job. It's really a win-win.

What do you do for Halloween candy?

Happy 2nd Birthday, Tate!

2011-10-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Tate.

I've taken a break from my too-long hiatus to make sure I post to the blog for you. (Between the new job and the start of school, there was too much and too little to write about. But you are a great reason to write again!)

The cake is not my very best work- but fortunately you are only two and so you don't know any better. You will see the cake and scream and point, "ELMO!" because he is your favorite. You will also tell everyone today that you are two- and you will even hold up two fingers to prove it. Of course, the two fingers will be the pointers from each hand, and your "two" sounds like "ew." But that's okay because you are trying your best and we love you to pieces. And you love us, too.

I hope your second year of life brings you lots of opportunities for you to use your imagination and engage in creative play . . .

That you will continue to be adventurous and try new foods. (We were so surprised the other night when you ate piece after piece after piece of calamari- it was like candy to you!)

I hope that you will get to see lots of interesting places this year . . .

And - above all - I hope you make it to three (without any broken bones, and without any more stitches or staples). If nothing else, you are setting up our house and furniture perfectly to justify a re-do of it all . . . Let's let up on the coloring on the walls and the pulling over of furniture and the playing "king of the mountain" with every set of drawers or objects you think you can scale, okay?

In keeping with our family tradition, we're eating your favorites tonight-- rice, canned grean beans and Dinobite chicken nuggets. Yep, we're all about delicious, nutritiousness around here.

Happy birthday little man!

Good-bye Summer

2011-08-23T23:01:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, somehow, amidst the various baseball, soccer and art camps, evenings at the park, outdoor dinners, and bike-riding, the summer got away from me. It was a luxurious summer for us. That did not mean we ignored academics. Or that we allowed the kids to spend their days drowning their brains in front of the television or playing video games.

Indeed, our big kids welcomed "Red" (Casey's pet bearded dragon), traveled to Florida, spend a couple days with their cousins, watched outdoor movies, swam, became proficient bike-riders, gained soccer self-confidence, and spent a good deal of their time alternating between fending off Tate and entertaining him.

But, alas, all things come to an end. And summer is no different. Tomorrow the kids go back to school. Their bags are packed. Their school lunches are contemplated. They are anxious to meet their new teachers and new classmates, and excited to see old friends.

And now, the promise of a bright, activity-filled, rigorous, engaging school year lies ahead.

Casey reminded me that I have to take pictures tomorrow morning- because I always take pictures on the first day of school. What a smarty.

12 Years

2011-07-31T17:18:00.001-07:00

Today is our 12th Anniversary.

I wish I had something really thought-provoking or sentimental or romantic to write about it. I don’t.

Someone I know recently lost her husband to a brief battle with an illness, which he was unable to overcome. I don’t know how long they were married, but I know it was more than 12 years. When I attended the memorial on Saturday, it was a reminder of the strength one person can draw from another—even in death.

I know I draw the same kind of strength from Jason. Goodness knows we don’t always agree on things, but our marriage- our relationship- is strong enough that it allows us to be individuals with independent feelings without it demeaning our sense of togetherness. In fact, I think it probably strengthens our union.

This morning we woke up at a hotel on the ocean. The sun was shining. We could hear waves and smell the ocean’s salty air. We lingered as we walked the coast back to the hotel after a brief morning walk. It was reminiscent of twelve years and one day ago- the day after our wedding.

Instead of our extended family greeting us for a celebratory brunch this time, though, we were welcomed home by squealing children—who had a fantastic night with a sitter, but were so happy to see us.

I know how very lucky I am.

Character and Family Photos

2011-07-30T16:28:00.000-07:00

My absence has been the result of playing more this month than usual. With the kids and Jason, of course.

We met up with Casey’s birthfamily in July in Orlando, Florida, where we went to Universal and Disney—and even spent an evening go-kart racing and feeding alligators pieces of hot dogs (the highlight of the week for the kids). It was hot and humid and way more sticky than we are accustomed to—but that didn’t stop us from having fun.

Here are a couple of my favorite photos of us getting pictures with Universal or Disney characters—which Tate was totally interested in, but only from a distance.

I also managed to snap a few fantastic photos of the kids--

(First photo is Casey with his birth-siblings. Second photo is Casey with all his brothers and sisters. Third photo are the three S. Family “things.”)

And a special thanks to Grandma Linda for the shirts—we were quite a sight to behold traipsing around Downtown Disney and all over airports.

Summer: Week 2

2011-06-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

Whew! Another week down.
Here is how Jason kept the kids busy this week:

(Every morning Casey played wii. Every day the kids did one hour of school work-- workbooks, reading, Compass Learning.)

Monday:
Soccer camp (Marcie)
A trip to urgent care for Tate after Casey knocked him in the eye with a wii-mote. (No stitches required, thankfully.)
An afternoon at Grandma S.'s (no need to take them all to urgent care, right?)

You can see the small mark on his right eye, above. It was fully healed by week's end.

Tuesday:
Soccer camp (Marcie)
Playdates for Casey and Marcie with kids from the neighborhood
Tutoring (Casey and Marcie)
Mr. Popper's Penguins (Casey and Marcie)
Special "Mommy time" for Tate (during which we danced, played with cars, practiced sommersaults, enjoyed tickling each other and ate ice cream)

Wednesday
Soccer camp (Marcie)
Library visit (Tate, Casey and Casey's friend)
San Diego Fair

At the peeting zoo at the fair.

Thursday
Soccer camp (Marcie)
Costco shopping
Afternoon at community pool

Friday
Soccer camp (Marcie)
Cleaning out the garage (and finding all sorts of toy treasures for Tate!)
Barbecue and pool party at Casey's friends' house
Sleepovers (Casey away)

Tate insisted on sitting IN the bins and throwing all the toys he found out.

Another busy, busy week. . .

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T21:11:00.000-07:00

Here's how we spent our day:

We brought home an everything bagel after church.

We opened presents (flip flops and Season 3 of Dexter).

We visited the aquarium (dads were free!)

We ate lunch at Wahoo's Fish Tacos.

We spent a couple hours at the Super Show (of reptiles).

Jason and Casey napped while I took Marcie and Tate grocery shopping with me.

We ate ribeye steak and fruit for dinner, followed by Neopolitan ice cream sandwiches for dessert.

I hope your day was everything the special dads in your life hoped it would be!

Summer - Week 1

2011-06-14T15:23:00.001-07:00

How do you keep the kids busy all day, every day?
Well, here's how Jason did it during Week 1 of summer:

Every day: video games before breakfast and one hour of school work (some days this was workbooks, some days flashcards, and some days Compass Learning).

Monday: Library, Subway and bike riding at the park.

Tuesday: Swimming, tutoring, and a playdate for Marcie.

Birthday dinner celebration at Red Robin (yum!) for our nephew/cousin.

Wednesday: Playdate for Casey, trip to Costco with a pizza snack.

Thursday: Viewing of Back to the Future.

Bike riding at the park and a special dinner treat (McDonald's and frozen yogurt)

Friday: Legoland Sea Life (thanks to our friends for sharing their free passes with us!)

Ice cream sundaes for dessert and a sleepover for Casey.

By the time I get home, the kids are wiped out. Not sure how Jason does it.

Summer

2011-06-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

This is our first summer "home."

Well, not exactly-- I mean up until I left teaching in the classroom, I had every summer of my life technically "home." But not so for our kids. For the past few summers, they have either been in year-round preschool or Extended School Services (ESS), which is basically daycare for school-aged kids. The ESS program is really well-organized and sounds like a lot of fun to me-- swimming, a movie, and a field trip every week. But our kids wanted absolutely nothing to do with anything called "camp" this summer. (I did talk Marcie into one week of soccer camp and Casey into one week of baseball camp.) So home it is.

Jason "negotiated" one hour of schoolwork each day (he started the "talks" at four hours per day). They came home from the school year with incomplete workbooks, so that's where they are starting. Then they will move onto the workbooks recommended by our school (to keep them up to speed, not to get ahead). I told Casey I would pay him to memorize his addition, multiplication, and subtraction tables through 12. I told him I'd pay him $1 per number to learn them. (It will be $36 well spent.) And the kids will work with a tutor once a week this summer.

Today is day one of summer:

Today I went to work.

Today the kids: cleaned their rooms, completed one hour of schoolwork, went to the public library for story time (and to check out books),and went to the park to play with friends. Tate took a little tumble and banged up his nose. (The coloring is not great, but you get the idea.)

After Tate's nap, they went to our neighborhood park with their bikes. Marcie is now training-wheel-free!

By the time I got home from work, the kids were completely wiped out.

I hope Jason keeps his sanity this summer.

William Heise

2011-06-12T18:57:00.001-07:00

We try to get out to go camping at least once a summer. Two summers ago we tried RV camping at the beach (we discovered it was akin to extreme tail-gating). Last year we went camping at a private camp ground, where there was lots to do, but not a lot of individual space or privacy. So this year we headed up to the “mountains” of nearby Julian.

We went with the usual gang, and last year we remarked at how difficult it seemed for the other two families with little ones. This year Tate definitely kept us (and everyone else!) on our toes. It was very cold at night. That didn’t stop us from having a campfire and enjoying hot chocolate, hot cider and s’mores.

It was super cold in the tent, and Tate was not going down in his pack n play, so he joined us. In addition to Tate waking me up twice, Casey and Marcie each needed a trip to the bathroom. And I was coooooold.

This is what Casey and Marcie looked like sleeping. Did I mention it was cold?

It warmed right up for us on Saturday, though, and we headed off to the Smith Family Ranch for a tour of their gold mine via train, along with panning for gold and some ropes work (you can see the rope bridge behind the horses). It was a beautiful day.

The kids spent the day exploring the woods, playing various games with their stuffed animals, and playing freeze tag. The Sky Hunters came in the evening along with a falcon and a couple owls and did a presentation at the campground. And we were close enough to town to get ourselves another sleeping bag to keep us warm the second night. Casey and Marcie still woke me up to go to the bathroom, but at least I was warm in between trips to the bathroom!

We have a couple more photos on the iphone, but this gives you the basics. It was fun. We had plenty of space. There was stuff to do. And I think (hope!) it gets easier as Tate gets older. All in all, another fun summer camping trip!

Good-bye May

2011-06-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

May went fast. Too fast.

Casey’s First Communion.

Our last day with Pugasus LaRue. The kids knew it was coming and made peace with it. Here’s our last photo with him. . .

Grown-up weekend get-away to Palm Springs to help a couple of friends celebrate their pending nuptials.

Celebrating my mom’s birthday—on the left with my dad and their San Diego grandkids. On the right with two of my siblings. (The San Francisco clan couldn’t join us.)

And Memorial Day Weekend—we spent a day at Mission Bay, where I apparently took no photos. And then we went on a walk near Lake Hodges across the relatively new ribbon bridge. Later, the kids cooled off at home.

Despite these few glimpses of sun, it was a gray May—I hope we dodge the June gloom around here!

Mother's Day

2011-05-09T01:47:00.000-07:00

Casey woke us up around 6:20 to ask if he could play video games. I still don't understand why he can wake up at 6:20 on a Sunday but never on a school day.

Marcie woke us up less than 30 minutes later because she wanted to watch TV in our bedroom. She cried when I said no. I felt bad and finally told Casey he needed to turn off the wii and find something to watch with Marcie.

Tate woke up a little after 7:00am. I think. Jason got up with him.

We had egg muffin sandwiches and orange juice and donuts for breakfast. Jason cooked.
We called the grandmas using iphone facetime so we could see them as we chatted. Tate kept reaching for the "end" button while we talked. He managed to hang up on Jason's mom at least once.

We ended up at Boomer's for the afternoon because the kids whined that they did not want to go to the Flower Fields, which was my suggestion. We played miniature golf. Casey kept hitting his ball in the water. Tate did not want to stand still. We tried playing Dance, Dance Revolution- but the "extreme" version was a little too extreme for me and Marcie. Casey was determined to win 8,500 tickets and kept wondering off looking for ways to win them. I got distracted following him visually and the air hockey puck smashed one of my fingers. When Casey didn't get 8,500 tickets, he pouted and cried a bit- even though I told him he had enough money saved to buy the electro-plasma lava lamp valued at 8,500 tickets, which he was coveting.

At Spaghetti Factory, Tate threw a huge screeching fit because he wanted my soda. We didn't give in. Lucky for us, it's a loud place to eat, so no one noticed. Marcie lost the peace ring she won with her 50 tickets at Boomer's and she cried when she realized it.

Tate never napped, so he was super cranky. Marcie pouted when I only read her one book. Casey was banished from the TV this evening. (Lucky for him his sister loves him so much- she played board games patiently with him for around 3 hours in the kitchen.)

I did four loads of laundry.

Just another day in mommy paradise.

Some pictures

2011-05-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

My Army of Three:

I can hardly believe I caught this action shot of Casey jumping off the ledge into the pool!

Aren't her new glasses just perfect for her? She looks 10 instead of 5 now!

He is never this still!

Dear Easter Bunny . . .

2011-04-30T20:45:00.000-07:00

On the night before Easter, we set up for the Easter Bunny’s visit. The kids picked the grass for their baskets. We prepared a carrot for the rabbit. We talked about what time we could get up to see what the Easter Bunny brought (6:30a.m. if you’re wondering). Marcie asked if they could “label” their baskets with note cards (as if the pink and blue grass wouldn’t give it away), and I said, “Sure. Why not?”

You know where this is going. I found out why not.

I don’t know what your Easter Bunny brings, but ours brings things like pajamas or t-shirts, summer-style shoes, a movie, or a video game, a book, music—and only one package of candy.

But before I knew what was happening, the kids wrote the Easter Bunny notes explaining exactly what they hoped to find in their baskets the next morning:

And what do you know? The Easter Bunny delivered.

All I’m saying is that I sure am glad that Wal-Mart is open until midnight.

April Began with a Blast

2011-04-23T23:21:00.000-07:00

April wasn’t so bad.

We managed to have ourselves a little bit of fun here and there. We

We did some ropes coursework. In the first photos above, we climbed about 5 flights of stairs, 45 feet or so up in the air, and dropped straight down, attached to a pulley rope. It was surprisingly difficult to make myself step off the ledge, even though I knew I was safe. I suppose I will never go bungie jumping. Casey was incredible. He did not want to go at first, and we did not push it. But once he went, he went again and again- 4 or 5 times. Marcie gets points for even trying—and even more points for knowing her limits and, once she looked over the edge, deciding not to jump at all.

After the free-fall, we headed to the zip line and ropes course. Case flew down the zip line the first time so fast, my camera didn’t even catch him. He loved it.

We went to a Discovery Kids play town, which was a great way to spend what was supposed to be a rainy day. They had different rooms for everything—a water table and plasma car area for the little kids, a life-sized fire truck, a drive through ATM window for the bank, an arts and crafts area, a building blocks/architecture area, an underwater room, a cafe, a grocery store, a farm, and I could go on and on. It helped that my sister and brother-in-law were along with us because the kids were all over the place.

And to round out the photos, we also went to an indoor water park and played laser tag (boys versus girls).

It was a lot of fun to hang out with my sister and her husband and to see my parents. And we found plenty to keep us busy. (In addition to these activities, the kids went to a movie, played at a beautiful park with a lake, and went to a bird conservatory.) It was a fantastic start to our April.

Tate and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Flight

2011-04-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

I had a small break in my schedule in April, so we quickly located tickets and planned a trip to North Carolina to visit my parents. It was supposed to be warmer in Charlotte than San Diego; Tate had not met his youngest aunt yet; and I needed some real R&R. So off we went.

We were smart about it: we got Tate his own seat.

And we are about as experienced as any other casual traveler can be. Heck, in the past 12 months, including this trip to North Carolina, our kids have been to Washington state, China, Hong Kong (which I suppose is part of China), Ohio, and now North Carolina. That's a lot of miles in a single year.

Well, it turns out our "big kids" have spoiled us. They sit quietly. They do not scream. They do not kick. They mostly entertain themselves with food and games and movies and sleeping. They are mostly patient. They are pretty darn good travelers.

But Tate- not so much. My first mistake was booking a flight that coincided exactly with nap time. He got super exhausted and then just cried and cried and cried (really, screamed and screamed and screamed). Normally I would just let him cry himself to sleep, but of course you can't really do that on a plane or the other passengers will eat you. So I did my best to rock him -- and after about an hour of screaming, he finally passed out. Just in time for us to land in Chicago and navigate to our next flight.

It was not until I was in the midst of his devilish screaming that I remembered Casey at age 2. Once I was flying alone with him, and I brought him into the toilet stall with me (it was the large, wheelchair accessible one, and he convinced me to let him out of his stroller). He crawled out under the stall and took off-- and I had to chase after him while pulling up my pants and dragging the stroller from behind. (Now I know to leave the kid in the stroller no matter how loudly he yells at me.) And I remember literally pressing my body on Casey's legs one flight to get him to stop kicking the seat in front of him. I don't know that it really worked. Poor passenger in front of me. Sigh. But that stage was so brief. I think. Isn't it amazing how little we remember those irritations?

I can't say we won't do it again soon. In fact, I am hoping we will get to go somewhere fun this summer.

Any advice from seasoned travelers with toddlers? If you are on a 5-6 hour flight, how do you entertain a child who likes to play in toilets, pull chewed-up gum out of trash cans and eat it, and throw toys out the back door into the yard? (Coincidentally, he seems to have calmed down on that last one after throwing a toy out what he thought was the open back door only to discover the door was closed. The loud crash and the projectile toy coming back at him scared the heck out of him. For now.)

P.S. Do you think it means something that both my terrible travel experiences have come resulted from my boys? Maybe we just didn't travel when Marcie was this age-- that's certainly plausible. I would not say that Marcie is less mischievious-- just that her mischief is, well, more brainy.

Love Multiplies

2011-04-17T06:28:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about my kids' first moms. The ones who carried them around for nine or ten months. The ones who labored through the delivery and who heard their first cries. The ones who held their own breath while waiting to make sure their children took theirs. I was with Casey's birth mother when he was born. I know her graciousness. Her kind heart. Her true selflessness in making a decision I know was so very difficult for her because she believed, as his mother, it was the best thing for him. And, as I'm sure Casey will do as he gets older, I mourn her. I know that if she survived and were as lucky as I am to know him now, she would be as enchanted by him as we are. I mourn the loss of Marcie and Tate's birthmothers, too. I think about them from time to time. Of course I don't know their stories. I didn't play cards with them in the hospital while they were experiencing contractions. I didn't get to hold their hands while they were laboring. And I didn't experience their pain and loss as they said good-bye to their children. But I imagine that they felt it. And I wish they could know that whatever led them to make the choices they made, their children-- our children-- are doing just fine. This evening Jason and I were watching the kids play together. Casey had left the room to shower and put on his pajamas, and when he returned Tate squealed and kicked his feet, a testament to pure joy he must feel when he sees Casey after an absence. When I see these exchanges, it is so clear to me that Tate could not love Casey more. He was meant to be part of our family. We worried for a brief period of time before bringing him home that Tate wouldn't get as much attention because he's a third child. But we were wrong. Love truly multiplies.

Oh, Happy Adoption Day!

2011-04-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

There's a book and a song called Happy Adoption Day, and I always think of it on our re-adoption days. We don't celebrate those days as a family, but I usually remember them around the right date, and it makes me think of the song. Well, yesterday was Tate's (re)adoption day. Of course I couldn't find our camera, but Jason's dad joined us and I did have my phone, so here we are at the end of the ceremony: Tate was a good sport. He high-fived Judge Gallagher. He drum-rolled on the table at the appropriate times. It was pretty amusing. During the picture, he kept turning to the judge and banging on his robe. (Thankfully the judge was very good-natured about it!) And the judge was super kind to Casey and Marcie-- confirming with each of them that they were prepared to help take care of their new brother. I think it was neat for them to experience what they had gone through (but have no memory of), too. There were lots of families there for adoptions-- and we were by far one of the very smallest groups. Many families had lots and lots of extended family. One family there was adopting a step-child adoption for 19-year-old-- and they were all so happy and excited. It reminded me that you're never too old to find a family to call your own. . . After the ceremony, we went to eat (I had not eaten yet). Here we are at Island's celebrating Tate's official California adoption:

After we ate, I went on to do some work while Casey (and the others) went to lacrosse practice. Then, because we'd eaten such an early "dinner," we decided to treat ourselves to Cold Stone for ice cream dinner around 6:30 or 7:00pm.

The afternoon was quite a treat for the whole family.

Keeping up with the Tater

2011-04-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

This morning I offered Casey three dollars to watch Casey for a few minutes so I could get ready. When I exited my bedroom a few minutes later, Tate was covered in chocolate and blue marker. Casey swore he had no idea where the blue had come from. Then, this evening Jason and a good friend went up to L.A. to see the Clippers play the Lakers. Casey has a couple good buddies spending the night. They arrived about 20 minutes after Jason left. They started by playing football tag, then we went and had backwards dinner (frozen yogurt followed by pizza and video games at Round Table), and then we headed home. Not long after we got home, Tate got busy.

It started when he continuously pushed the "open/close" button on the DVD player so that we had to keep re-starting the movie the bigger kids were watching. Finally, I forced him to follow me back to the laundry room to-- ahem -- help. He got bored very quickly. The next thing I knew, the kids were yelling, "Boo Yow!" (No in Mandarin.) Tate, it turned out, had climbed up on the bean bag chair and was slapping Casey's friend Robbie in the face. Repeatedly. Fortunately Robbie is quite patient, and he didn't react. At all. And so tonight I learned the sign language sign for "hitting," and I think Tate already recognizes "no hitting."

After removing Tate from Robbie's vicinity, the kids said they were hungry and selected some chocolate chip muffins for a snack (shocking, right?). I'm not totally sure what happened, but the next thing I knew, Tate had swiped Robbie's muffin. So I gave Robbie a new muffin and figured I'd let Tate keep the one he stole. I went back to Marcie's room to help her pick out clothes for our upcoming trip, and when I looked up, Tate was standing there. With a trail of chocolate chip muffin crumbs behind. Most of the chocolate chips had been mashed into the carpet of Marcie's room. Of course. I stopped what I was doing to clean up the mess, and then heard more yelling.

Tate had figured out how to (literally) pull the plug on the old-school Pac-Man game the bigger boys were playing. I told him it was time for milk, prepared his bottle, and sat with him to make sure he drank it. When it was mostly empty, he got up with it. I didn't think much of, and I was having a rare quiet and good moment with Marcie, so I didn't immediately follow him. But when I looked up, he had shaken his bottle all. over. the. floor.

Sigh.

Fortunately, it was bedtime. For him, anyway.

The Earthquake and the Salami

2011-04-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't been sleeping well. Not really sure why. But one night this past week, I was awake around 3:30 a.m. I think maybe Tate had been up for a bit and then I had trouble falling back asleep.

At 3:48 (on my clock-- which is never set to exactly the right time), the house shuddered and I leapt out of bed. In the dark, I removed the glass frame above our bed. And I paced for a couple minutes, waiting for the longer shaking I was anticipating. It never came.

The next morning I told the kids we'd had an earthquake.

Casey looked at me in earnest and said, "Mom, are we gonna have a salami?"

I sat there a bit stunned, wondering (1) why Casey would be thinking about lunch meat at 7:00 in the morning and (2) what lunch meat has to do with earthquakes.

And then it hit me. TSUNAMI.

Wasn't life easier when we called them tidal waves?

March!

2011-03-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

This month was less crazy (and depressing) than February (thankfully!). We are six weeks post cleft-palate surgery now. Tate has one stitch left. The transition to solids has been tougher than we anticipated-- he's gotten lazy with all his bottle-drinking. But we've managed to move mostly to a sippy cup (he uses a Nuk or Nuby top so he can bite the liquid out-- he can't suck, so keeping the stopper in a regular sippy is out of the question, and traveling with a regular sippy stopper-less is also out of this question; the Nuk is a great compromise). He's mainly focused on soft foods, though we are letting him have foods that get soft easily and very small bites of chewier foods, like meats. Once the last stitch is dissoved we'll start letting him have crackers with corners again, probably. Tate continues to be the busiest toddler in our bunch. He has officially figured out how to open toilet seat lids so he can play in the water. So it looks like we may be buying some toilet locks (or keeping the doors closed, or some other alternative). His hair is getting long. Check him out: Marcie has really gotten into softball and been enjoying being part of the team. She also really likes Daisy scouts. I'm glad-- I think it's important to learn to be a part of something bigger. One great thing about t-ball is that they really focus on learning the game, so all the girls experience all the positions, and everyone bats each inning. A couple games ago, Marcie hit a home run!

And Casey has been trying out lacrosse this year. (He keeps calling it LAY cross.) We were a little worried it would be too much with baseball, but it's been fine. Baseball has been less encouraging because he got bumped up a level. And even though there's no Little League world series on the line or anything, they sure do take the game more seriously at this age. So it's nice to have lacrosse, where all the kids (in first and second grade, anyway) are still learning the game. Today he actually attempted to score a couple goals.

It should tell a lot that I know what my kids are up to. The trial I've been preparing for has been continued to the end of April. There's still work to be done, but the pace is less frantic (for me, anyway) than when you're getting the documents prepped for the pretrial hearing. It's meant that I could volunteer in Casey's class this week and take Marcie to her Daisy scout event. It meant watching Casey play lacrosse and finishing our adoption paperwork. It's been nice.

And speaking of adoptions, we filed our paperwork with the State court Friday and have Tate's readoption hearing set.

Ching Chong (Asians in the Library)

2011-03-25T07:08:00.000-07:00

On NPR today I heard the story of the video blogger of UCLA student who recently ranted about students talking on their cell phones in the library, a source of irritation to her.

Explained like that, it doesn't sound so bad-- but she didn't just vent about people on their cell phones. She vented about Asians on their cell phones. And she "quoted" them: "Ching Chong. Ling Long. Ting Tong."

She later apologized publicly. And NPR reported she actually left UCLA.

I get it-- I mean I get that it can be disconcerting to be concentrating and interrupted by high-volume conversations in an unfamiliar, foreign-to-you language. There must be other languages that are equally foreign-sounding, right? Why single out the Asians? (And for that matter, with the number of Asian races and languages, I suppose we can't say calling out an entire continent is really singling them out, can we?)

NPR also covered this great song (called, as the title of this blog post is, "Ching Chong (Asians in the Library" and it's over on You Tube-- with more than 2 million hits to date) and the creator of the song, Jimmy Wong. He pokes some serious fun at the UCLA student (even calling her by name), and her stereotyping.

Lots of people are slinging names at the UCLA student. But I think Jimmy Wong has the right attitude. He has already forgiven her.

I hope my own kids will be so gracious when they are older.
Strike that. I hope my kids won't have a reason to be . . .

In the mean time, head over to You Tube and check out his song.

Giving

2011-03-24T19:22:00.000-07:00

The kids' elementary school is raising money for the disaster relief efforts in Japan. It was instigated by some of the kids at the school (through their "Big Idea" program). There are places for the kids to donate money all over the place.

We (Jason and I) have opted to donate through my employer because my employer very generously will match employee contributions. But I thought it might be nice if Casey and Marcie donated some of their money to the efforts at their school. I have never really asked them to use their money for anything. They mostly get money by finding it around the house. Sometimes when they get money as a gift, it goes into their stash instead of the college account or through us. Casey has kind of a lot of money. Marcie has less.

On the way home from school today, I invited Casey to share his money with the kids in Japan who lost their houses and their stuff, who need food and clothes and a place to live.

"No thanks, Mom," he said. "I think I'll just save my money."

While normally I'd applaud this thinking, I pushed. "Are you sure, Casey? I mean those kids in Japan sure could use the help-- you could just give a little."

"No. I think I'll just save it up for video games and toys and stuff."

I tried a different tact: "Maybe you could just think about it. Dad and I are donating money, and I thought it would be good if you could, too. Just think about it."

Maybe thirty seconds passed, and I heard from the backseat: "I thought about it, Mom. And I think I'll just save my money."

Of course, I haven't given up . . .

Surgery Expenses

2011-03-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

When we were contemplating a special needs adoption, one thing we thought about was the cost of addressing the special needs. In this case, cleft lip and cleft palate. Here in California, a month before we were matched with Tate, our state legislature passed a law that requires medical insurance to cover the expenses associated with treating cleft lip and cleft palate. It was one of the things that made me feel a little better about taking the leap--

As it turns out, in California there is also a program that covers the expenses not already covered by your private insurance- if your child is born with a congenital condition like cleft palate and has the condition when you adopt him. So long as you use a state-approved provider. For us, that was Children's Hospital, which is also our in-network provider for our private insurance.

Now, don't get me wrong, we pay a lot for private insurance. We don't have a fancy schmancy policy or anything super high end. We just have regular insurance, with set co-pays and deductibles. But we still pay what seems to me like a lot in premiums each month. I pay more than double what we were paying when I was a teacher-- and more than double what we have paid for any insurance from any private employer for whom Jason has worked. I don't mean this as a complaint-- it is what it is.

Honestly, I have not paid much attention to the health care debate because to date, we have been lucky enough to have decent health insurance. But when I got our hospital bills for Tate's surgery, I must admit I was pretty shocked. I mean, I expected the bills to be what they were (in the neighborhood of $25,000 if you include both surgeons, the medications, the recovery room, the overnight hospital stay, the anesthesiologist, etc., etc., etc.). I put this out there so that others who may be searching for information about the cost of cleft palate surgery can find out what it really costs. And, mind you, we only stayed one night in the hospital, and Tate's surgery lasted-- including both the ENT and the plastic surgeon, only about an hour and a half.

What surprised me was the price negotiated by our insurance. For some of the items, our insurance company had pre-negotiated with the hospital a 98% discount. That's a huge discount. Of course, the insurance company still pays most of the bill after our deductible/co-pay. But this got me to thinking about the people who are not insured. I mean, the reason they are uninsured is because the insurance premiums are too high. So how is it that they are also stuck with a bill 98% higher than the bill I would have to pay? That somehow seems backwards to me. I mean, I get that there are volume discounts and such. And I admit that I have no idea how the insurance companies negotiate the payments with the providers. No idea at all. But it seems odd to me that someone who can afford health insurance pays, oh let's say $3,000 (I don't have the bill in front of me, so I don't remember the actual price tag) for a surgery and someone who cannot afford the premiums, for the same surgery, might be asked to pay $25,000.

Does anyone else think this is backwards?

Of course, I'm grateful for the "discount," and I feel so, so fortunate that the price of a surgery to correct such a correctable special need did not keep us from finding our way to Tate-- he really is perfect for us. This talk of money might seem crude-- but it's not something to ignore when making such a big and important decision. And yet I feel so lucky that this particular expense is not something that we have had to worry about . . .

Happy Sixmonthiversary!

2011-03-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

We met Tate six months ago yesterday. And were named his legal parents six months ago today.

Tate and I "celebrated" by spending the afternoon at the cleft palate clinic with our local Children's Hospital craniofacial team. They schedule all 25-or-so children for the same time slot and then shuffle you back and forth to various rooms as the different specialists have time to see you.

Tate and I saw seven providers today. We saw the social worker, a nurse (for general health), an ENT, an audiologist, a dentist and orthodontist, a plastic surgeon, and a speech therapist. In between our visits, Tate ran me ragged in the waiting room, which started out packed. But as the 23rd child to check in -- and one of the very few who had to see all seven providers-- we were the last to depart. The most challenging part was keeping Tate from eating crumbs off the floor. (I know-- eww.)

He did great with each doctor. His ear tubes are working. His mouth is healing just as it should. He is adjusting to life in our family well. He will need a whole lotta dental and orthodontal work. And he needs speech therapy because he is terribly far behind. Not in communicating, mind you. Oh, no. Tate communicates just fine. He knows the signs for "more," "all done," and "water," and he manages to get everything else he wants by grunting and pointing. And he certainly has no difficulty expressing his complete joy or his irritation. All in all, exactly as we had expected.

Except for my pants. Which I just had dry-cleaned. And are now covered in Tate much from my mid-thigh down. (I think it'd be from my knee down if I were taller.)

I've been gone an awful lot lately for work-- but Tate didn't seem to mind that I had this afternoon free to join him at the clinic. And I was glad to be in the loop.

Our trip to China seems like forever ago on the one hand. On the other hand, the time has passed in the blink of an eye. And I already can't really remember what life was like before Tate. And I don't want to anyway.

Good Riddance February!

2011-02-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

As hard has January was for me, February was harder.
I kept thinking it would get better.
People kept telling me it would get better.

But it didn't. It just kept getting worse. And worse.
It was a great month for the billable hour, but other than that it was all around bad. Probably because it was a great month for billables.

It was a dark, dark month for me personally, and I hated almost every minute of it. I woke up each day (internally) kicking and screaming. Food lost its flavor. Sleep lost its restfulness.

But it wasn't all bad.

Tate's resiliency prevailed, and he came through his surgery with flying colors. (He's still hungry and on his liquid diet-- but less than one week of that left!) On the rare days I make it home before he's in bed, I get to enjoy his squealing delight to see me.

Casey's middle-of-the-night bathroom breaks became mother-son time, and he'd happily chatter about his day as he sat next to me, before I walked him to bed.

And Marcie. Marcie's a tough cookie to crack sometimes. But she still likes to sneak into our bedroom early in the morning, crawl into our bed and snuggle up with me.

I'm ever hopeful that March will champion in some warm, happy spring days . . .

A girl can dream, can't she?

Surgery Recovery and Recap

2011-02-20T00:01:00.001-08:00

I’ve mostly blogged about Tate’s surgery day, but here are the photos to show you what it was like. My apologies if these are repeats—

First, here are our our “before” photos—

Tate at home, in his stroller during our admissions, running all over the waiting area (he didn’t last long in the stroller). They called us back to pre-op shortly thereafter, which was unfortunate because then we had to be contained in a small area with pretty much no toys, and one “wall” was a curtain that Tate kept sneaking under. Fortunately, our surgeons were ready early, so they took Tate back to surgery early.

These are our “after” photos: The first two are in our hospital room around 6:00 p.m. (a couple hours after surgery). You can see that Tate’s cheeks are a bit puffy, and his mouth is oozy with blood. It wasn’t pleasant to look at, but it wasn’t unexpected either. They had “no nos” on him, which are soft bands that prevent him from bending his elbows and sticking things (like his fingers) in his mouth.

He did drink from a cup before he went down for the night. We could not really get him to drink from a bottle. I think his mouth was too sore, and he didn’t want the bottle in it. We started out with Tylenol, and when he woke up a couple hours later, we went to ibuprofen, and then finally settled on some Tylenol with codeine. That was around 4:00 a.m. This picture is of Tate closer to 5:00 a.m.—his first post-surgery smile. The Tylenol with codeine kick-started him being up, and then he wanted to walk all over the place. We spent an hour or two just wandering the halls, he and I. He’s pretty cute—and he sure wasn’t talking or making noise, so the nurses didn’t seem to mind.

I began texting Jason around 4:00 a.m. Our plan had been for him to return to the hospital at 9:00 a.m. But after a sleepless night, I wanted him to come earlier. So my texts got increasingly desperate sounding. Until, finally, at 6:00 a.m. or 7:00 a.m., Tate and I both fell fast asleep. When Jason did arrive around 9:00 a.m., Tate was ready for his next dose of Tylenol with codeine. We drove all over the halls in this car they had, which Tate loved. And when the activity room opened at 10:00 a.m., Tate wandered in there—he loved it. They had a ball popper and lots of instruments, which he loved playing with. This purple gown was his second because of all the drooling—and he did get a third gown at one point in time—you can see how wet it got.

Tate did crash again for a bit, thankfully allowing us some rest.

Tate woke up just in time for Dr. Holmes to check on us and discharge us a day early. So here’s Tate ready to go (and you can see our room in the background), and then in the car.

Marcie and Casey were playing with my mom, but so excited to see Tate. Casey immediately shared Ali the Alligator, his class pet, which Casey got to bring home over the holiday break because Casey will be star student next week at school. Tate wasn’t interested in Ali (or anything else, except me) all weekend.

Tate was mostly angry, angry, angry about not getting solids for the first couple days. We were able to manage his pain pretty well, but not his hunger. He’s on a full liquid diet for another two weeks, and they told us we’d have to feed him every couple hours—but we didn’t really anticipate that happening all night long. Though it did. All week long. On Wednesday night, he lasted one three-hour stretch. Our plastic surgeon was surprised by this—he thought Tate should be sleeping longer at night (he also said Tate’s mouth looks great!). On Thursday night, it was every 3 hours. And last night, he went a whole long stretch—like five hours! So far tonight, he’s been down for four hours so far. Fingers crossed he’ll sleep all night. . .

The first few times we were able to get a bottle into his mouth, he still crooked his finger, even with the no-nos on, like he was going to stick it in his mouth. And a couple time she tried to “pretend” to hold his bottle, and then he’d try to stick his finger in his mouth while holding the bottle. But he seems to have stopped doing that now.

Getting Discharged Early!

2011-02-12T13:15:00.001-08:00

Tate is a super star!
I wasn't feeling that happy about it at 4:00 this morning, when he was traipsing up and down the halls of Children's hospital. Or at 6:00 this morning, when he was still traipsing up and down the halls. Because I like sleep.

But I knew it was a good sign that the Tylenol with codeine alleviated his pain and helped him behave more like his normal self. They removed his IV in the early morning hours. They removed his pulse oxygen monitor around the same time. And then, a couple hours after the Tylenol with codeine, he crashed. Blessedly. Because it meant I got to crash for a couple hours with him.

When he woke around 9:00am, I could tell he was in pain, and they gave him another dose of the medicine close to 10:00am, at which point he led me and Jason to this toy car he'd seen in the hallway, and he insisted we push him all over the place. He eventually landed in the activity room, where he played and played and played until around noon, when he became fussy again.

Lucky for us, his surgeon was around and he came by to check Tate out-- he commented about how fantastic Tate was doing, told us that some patients really do need the Tylenol with codeine every three hours instead of four, and then said we could go home this afternoon!

Tate finally calmed down and is sleeping. Jason is trying to nap, too. When Tate wakes, he'll get another dose of the Tylenol with codeine, and hopefully he'll be nice and calm for our drive home.

Keep the good thoughts and prayers going-- for a speedy and painless-as-possible recovery, and for the grace to handle whatever comes our way. . .

I do have lots of photos- but they are on my camera, so check back later and I'll update this post with some photos from our stay.

Surgery Day! (With Updates! and Pictures!)

2011-02-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

Today is the day.

We leave for the hospital around 12:30pm for Tate's surgery. I missed the pre-surgery appointment, but luckily my mom was in town to accompany Tate and Jason.

I've told Tate what's going to happen today.

He's already been cut off of solids-- though we don't anticipate he'll be truly cranky about that until around noon. I'm planning (hoping) to blog later, after the surgery. We'll see how things go in the hospital, though.

Tate-- before the hunger hits. . .

On the way to the hospital. . .

Even though Tate hadn't had anything to eat since 6:30pm last night, he was in pretty good spirits-- bouncing and singing on the way to the hospital. Running all over the waiting room. Following bigger kids around.

When we were taken to the pre-op area, Tate continued to run a bit wild. He kept sneaking under the curtain to see what was going on in the rest of the pre-op area.

About an hour earlier than expected, Dr. Holmes appeared. His bilateral cleft palate surgery-- the one before Tate's-- had gone well and he was ready to get started. So we finished up the paperwork and off Tate went. That was really hard. It was the first time Tate has been handed off to a stranger of any kind in a strange place since we met him. And the squawking and the expression on his face as they were carrying him away-- it was terrible.

Ten minutes after we said our good-byes, our ENT was back in the waiting room-- ear tubes all in. All is good.

We grabbed some quick food, then returned to the waiting area. (There was a family there that was clearly very upset, and the one thing I did not want was to sit across from them-- because I was already feeling so emotional about Tate going under anesthesia.) We started up a movie, promptly fell asleep, and the next thing I knew, a nurse was calling our name.

We went back to the consult area, where we learned that everything was, as hoped, "routine," that the repair went well, and that we'd follow up with the doctor in a week. Back to the waiting room for what we were initially told would be another hour for Tate to come out of the anesthesia, we were surprised when, less than 20 minutes later, I was called back to the post-op area. This was because they couldn't calm poor little Tate down.

I admit, his appearance was pretty shocking-- bloodied, swollen, and clearly angry. I did my best, but I couldn't calm him either. So that told them it was pain and not concern causing the crying, and they gave him some Demerol. He fell back asleep until it was time to transfer to our room.

So here we are, in our room. It's a beautiful room. The nurses have been super accommodating. At one point, when Tate's vitals were being checked, he woke up really cranky. He really wanted my gatorade bottle-- so we got a bottle from the nurse, filled it with pedialyte and apple juice, and he gobbled it down. Then he had some gatorade, too. He was still unsettled, so we opted for some regular Tylenol (no codeine-- we'll see how it goes), and he fell back asleep. That he is eating so soon after surgery is a huge surprise-- and terrific news. He is still fussy and oozy -- and I know the hardest part is ahead of us.

Here's Jason squeezing the apple juice into Tate's mouth. And you can see the crook of Tate's hand-- it's like he's wanting to stick that finger into his mouth, as has been his habit, but he knows he can't get his hands in his mouth with the no-no on his arm.

Please keep sending up prayers or good thoughts or whatever your thing is for us, for a relatively painless and quick recovery, and for the grace to handle whatever comes our way. . .

Baptism and First Reconciliation

2011-02-10T20:52:00.000-08:00

This week has been a doozy.

First, the good. Here are a couple photos of Tate's baptism:

Jason ended up in urgent care then to the 24 hour urgent care/hospital for more tests while I was at the First Reconciliation with the kids. (I hadn't planned to take them all, but didn't have a choice.) Tate thought it was his job to: (1) squawk throughout the service. Very loudly; (2) run all over the place; (3) play "you can't catch me." (This is new for him.)

Tate completed his confession with "Father Casey," which he thought was hilarious.

Of course, between balancing the kids I didn't get very many photos. And by "very many" I mean I got one. Of course I can't figure out how to sync off my iphone at the moment, so you'll have to trust me that he looked great. . .

Bath-tized

2011-02-07T21:37:00.000-08:00

This weekend was Tate's baptism. It was sort of a last minute thing because of his surgery this coming Friday, and Deacon Ron was so kind to fit us in.

We dressed Tate in his white Chinese outfit, with dragons on the front. It fit perfectly.
He also wore his brand-new big boy shoes.

The ceremony was brief and distracting because we kind of had to chase Tate all over the place.

He laughed when the water was poured over his head. Then stuck his hands in. After that, we couldn't keep his hands off the fountain at all.

After the baptism, the kids enjoyed beautiful dove cookies my sister sent.
Tate opened presents from his grandparents and a lovely card from his Godmother (who so wanted to be here but is not healthy enough to travel at the moment-- and it's not like we gave her any real notice).

Casey wrote about the experience in his journal at school today. He wrote how his grandma from North Carolina came to town. How they took a "short cut" to the church. And how Tate got "bath-tized." We kind of chuckled at that. But it's a perfectly legitimate understanding of the event.

Hello February

2011-02-01T21:52:00.000-08:00

I feel like I work at a pretty family-friendly place. For a law firm.

They are generous with parent leave for adoption.
They are generous with paid paternity leave.
They provide "back-up care" for employees so that we can have a nanny come to the house so we can work.
They encourage telecommuting and offer good technology support.

But this month was a real doozy for me.
Pretty much the only day I did not do any work was the day I had the food poisoning/stomach flu thing going on.
There were days I didn't see the kids at all. And not because I was traveling.

But after months like this, I feel just terribly guilty. Especially when the kids are calling me at work and asking me if I can at least come home by 7:59 pm to kiss them good night and then go back to work. Or when I call to check in and hear Tate screaming in the background.

Glad that's over.

Hello February.

Something Lost

2011-01-21T21:38:00.000-08:00

On the morning Casey turned 8, he reminded me immediately it was his birthday (of course, I knew). I made him wait until 9 to jump on our bed and wake up Jason.

We talked about the day he was born. We contrasted the weather here-- sunny, blue skies, in the upper-70s-- with the weather when he was born-- a snow storm. He knows all about how we were on vacation in Florida when we learned that he was going to be born, so all Jason had were shorts, which he wore.

We told Casey how amazing it was to hold him and feed him his first bottle. How happy we were to meet him. How important he was-- and still is-- to us.

We told him how much we love him and how lucky we feel to be his parents. (He told us he knows. If you know Casey, this is no surprise at all.)

After our morning conversation, I thought about Casey's Story. I thought about how much love was in that room when he was born. How much anxiety and hope for our future. How I knew I was lucky the moment I held him. And I wondered how Marcie felt, sitting on our bed and hearing Casey's Story. It's not lost on me how much we don't know about Marcie's arrival in the world.

Of course, Marcie has her own story; it just doesn't involve the day she was born. And thinking about that, I felt incredibly sad. Like somehow she's lost something and I can't ever help her get it back. I'm not sure that Marcie feels like she's lost something. And I don't think Marcie will feel less loved as a result. (I certainly hope she won't.)

I don't have any pithy, uplifting words to express how I resolved the issue in my own mind. Not sure I ever will. Or that there needs to be a resolution. For all I know, I'm thinking way more about this than Marcie (or Tate) ever will. I actually kind of hope so.

Toilets

2011-01-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

Tate discovered them this week.
At least the water was clean.
Well, as clean as toilet water can be, of course. (Don't worry-- we washed his hands thoroughly.)

He hasn't figured out how to lift the lids, so that's our solution. For now.

And Then He Was 8

2011-01-17T14:38:00.000-08:00

This weekend I learned how birthday parties can be like weddings.
Big crowds are over-rated.
They're about the experience and not the gifts.
Organization is key.
It helps to have a "wedding planner" there to help out and run things.
Oh, and keep your fingers crossed you're healthy on the big day.

When Casey said he wanted a sleepover, we figured it would be a good way to cut down on the giant birthday parties of yesteryear. But Casey's social circle runs pretty far-- we narrowed the list to 10 invitees, and that excluded his local cousin (only because my brother and sister-in-law said they'd prefer it that way). We figured, on a three-day weekend, odds were that not everyone would come. We were wrong. But not too worried.

We ran into a little glitch with the cake. I wasn't going to make one this year-- but we couldn't find a Super Mario cake in the local stores, so I found myself baking the day before his party.

I didn't want to go hog-wild on the party favors, and I found some pretty inexpensive dart guns and supplemented with a pack of sugar-free bubble gum. I labeled everything (darts, guns, gum) with a sharpee and put together a zip-lock bag for each boy.

At around noon, I was feeling a little off. I ate a slice of pizza and laid down for a nap. When I woke at 2, I felt worse. Jason had warned me he thought the pizza might be bad because his stomach was bothering him, too. I tried standing and walking around and cleaning-- but in between bouts of doing so, I had to lay down. Around 4pm, my stomach felt strong enough for a drive to the store and to my brother's to pick up some xbox remote controls.

At 5pm, the boys started to arrive. They were all prompt. The fresh air felt good, but I still felt weak and ill. At 6:30, it was time to serve the hot dogs, hamburgers, salad and chips. Thankfully, one of my good friends decided to stick around and tag-team with her husband because their son wasn't going to spend the night. She served the food while I went and laid down. I was too woozy to stand.

At 7:30 we did cake and ice cream. I served the food sitting down. We put Tate down at 8pm and started a movie. Thankfully, my good friend's husband (also a good friend of ours) was there to help keep the boys in check. I laid down for the night.

At around 11:30pm, Jason came in and said he needed help (remember he hadn't been feeling well either). Casey had just thrown up and he and the bathroom needed to be cleaned. He'd had too many Doritos.

At around 1:30am, I could still hear the boys so I went to check on them. One was actually walking around because he still couldn't sleep.

At 3:00am, the dog woke me up. He'd peed in my room. I took him outside. The boys were all asleep, but a couple stirred.

At 6:30am, I woke to the sounds of the boys playing in the TV room and wandered out momentarily. I felt better, but not great.

At 7:30am, two of the boys came in and asked for breakfast. And I totally rallied. When the last child left at 11am, sitting on the couch, I put my head on my hand and promptly fell asleep. I slept hard until Tate woke up from his nap. And I seem to be feeling much better. I still feel weak and tired and groggy. But I can sit up. And I don't feel like I want to throw up anymore.

The boys were about what we expected. It was like hosting a fraternity party without the beer. They were loud, crude, and stinky. They were careless (one child got hit in the eye with a dart during their games). They argued over video games; they challenged each other to Kinect soccer; they worked together to make it through the Super Mario levels. They loved the gum. They devoured their breakfast food after a night of hard play. And I think, all in all, they had a good time.

Casey sure did. And that was the point, after all, wasn't it?

Sorry for the lack of photos-- I'd like to say it's the result of me being so involved I didn't have time to snap many. But it's actually a product of me being too sick to follow the kids around. I don't even have one of the whole gang watching the movie or anything. Shame on me.

Baby Steps

2011-01-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

Tate took his first steps on Christmas morning, so I could be with him. And cherish the moment. And, of course, document it on my iphone. But unless we set him down and coax him, he hasn't had much interest in walking. And that's been fine with us-- after all, walking means more confidence and that leads to climbing, and you can see where I'm going.

Tonight when I came home, after he made a crawling bee-line for me, I put him down in the kitchen so I could put batteries in Marcie's glo-mate. He pushed himself up and walked across the entire kitchen to me. It was amazing.

Tate has other big changes coming soon.

We finally have a surgery date to repair his cleft palate. February 11. We'll be in the hospital for two nights with him. As you might imagine, I have quite a lot of anxiety about this surgery. It means putting my littlest boy under anesthesia. We, like other parents who have gone through this before us, are pinning all our hopes (for now) on the success of this surgery. There's kind of a lot at stake for little Tate.

Please keep him in your thoughts.

Santa's Packaging

2011-01-02T07:33:00.000-08:00

The other day, after running around outside, up and down the side yard of our home, Marcie turned to Jason last week and said with wonderment something like:

"Dad, Santa unwrapped our toys on the side yard before he brought the gifts down the chimney!"

Ahem. Well, there you have it . . .

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T18:10:00.001-08:00

2010 was a year of many changes.

We said some good-byes:

To the kids' preschool, which one or more of our children attended for almost half a decade.
To Aunt Megan and Uncle Timour, who moved east.
To several fish and a couple of frogs.
To our dining room (which became our home office).
To watering our backyard grass, which kept dying anyway.
To day care and after school care.
To a whole income (gulp).

We said some big, important hellos:

To the arrival of our nephew/cousin Kai.
To severl fish and a couple frogs.
To kindergarten.
To Tate.

We flew a lot of miles (more than 20,000 miles in the air in 2010).
We experienced an up-close-and-personal 4th of July Fireworks show.
We danced down the Pearl River in China.
And we bowled our way through southern Ohio.

We had some colds and fevers and a couple trips to urgent care (but none to the ER!).
We had some cuts and scrapes and a few teeth removed.
We had visits from the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.

And we've come out of 2010 a very rich family. Because we've got each other.
That makes us some of the luckiest people in the world.

Here's to a healthy and happy 2011!

January 1, 2011: Lila, Marcie, Tate, Casey & Lucas (after our annual Rockin' New Year's Eve kids-and-adult party)

The Day After

2010-12-26T11:13:00.001-08:00

It’s the day after Christmas
And all through the house
The toys are piled up--
Nerf guns, toys balls and Marcie’s zhu zhu mouse

Dad’s working hard
To clean up the mess
And Mom’s on the computer
Working- or trying her best.

“Dear Santa, I like to be nice to my family. I like to cook cookies for you and and apple for your reindeer. Sincerely, Casey.” [And we didn’t help Casey with the spelling at all.]

”Dear Casey (and Marcie and Tate), Thank you for the delicious cookies. Dasher loved the apple. Next year please leave milk. Love, Santa.”

Casey’s reaction to his gifts from Santa.

And Tate and Marcie’s gifts from Santa (below):

Playing with new gifts Christmas morning:

Some of the ornaments Marcie made for the tree:

After the gift-opening and breakfast, while Tate was napping, Casey was playing Donkey Kong Country and Marcie and I were making Christmas ornaments, Jason climbed up on the roof to see what caused our leaking during the storm last week. The culprit was a couple broken roof tiles. He laid some plastic down, and even though it’s kind of a bummer of a way to spend Christmas, it couldn’t have happened at a better time. The rain that was supposed to arrive today came early, and it rained throughout the night. But no leaks. After we spent most of the day lounging in our pajamas and playing with new toys (and baking and making ornaments and fixing the roof), we headed over to Grandma and Grandpa S’s house for a Christmas meal. This was the view we were greeted with:

It took a long time to get through all those presents, too. But good food, good company—what more could a person really want?

Jason’s parents were incredibly generous this year—as they are every year. This year, we asked people who were having trouble thinking of gifts for us to donate money to one of our favorite charities. We didn’t think anyone would do it—but Jason’s parents did. I got a lot of really great stuff this year. Some boots, a nice bag for work, a beautiful locket engraved with the words Forever Family, but I think the donation to Eagle’s Wings China (a group foster home located in Jiaozuo City in Henan, where Tate is from—the organization we actually visited while in China) was the best Christmas gift I received. I get emotional still, even now, just thinking about it. I really, really wanted to donate more money to them this year. Every little bit makes such a huge difference to them. (And to other organizations like them in China, including Philip Hayden Foundation, which is the organization that took care of Tate.) But dropping down to a single income and paying for an adoption have really spent us. So to know that money went there anyway . . . well, I just don’t really know how to put into words how that makes me feel. My eyes pool with tears, I get a lump in my throat. I feel so . . . so very, very grateful.

I hope everyone reading this, likewise, had a magical Christmas with their families—and that the magic and joy carry you through the new year!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T07:00:00.000-08:00

Hope your day is filled with lots of giggles and hugs, laughter and play. And, most of all, love.

Merry, Merry Christmas!

Twas the Night Before Christmas

2010-12-24T19:53:00.001-08:00

Christmas always sneaks up on me when I'm working full time leading up to it, and this year was no different. Even though we’ve been doing Chrismassy things all month. For example, this year, for the first time, we went to Christmas in the Park, which our town holds when it lights the town Christmas tree. It was actually a super warm afternoon (just before the big storms hit).

Then, last week, we had our annual Christmas party with our our good friends, and we took all the kids to the area nearby known for its spectacular light display.

And, of course the kids made a gingerbread house. It even stayed standing up this year!

And Jason was good about keeping me posted in the last few days of the week. For example, yesterday, the kids made and decorated sugar cookies with some dough I prepared.

Today we went for a morning walk as a family to grab some last minute groceries (and Starbucks). At Starbucks, one of Casey’s art projects from school was on display, so of course we had him pose with it for a photo.

Then we visited with my brother and his family. Tate and his cousin are just three months apart in age. Isn’t she a cutie? (You already know I think he is.)

(Sorry that last picture is a little, uh, revealing. Darned scoop-neck shirt.)

We also went to mass. Despite arriving 40 minutes early, there were no seats. So we sat outside. In the cold. Brrr.

The kids are watching A Christmas Story now—and in about 10 minutes, we’ll attempt to ready them for bed. They know Santa won’t be here until they are asleep. And they know not to wake up before 6:00am. (A time they picked out!) So we’ll see how the night goes. Tate had been waking up nightly for about 10 days there—and today I discovered he’s broken through two molars. No wonder the poor kid can’t sleep! (He’s also learned to blow kisses, play peek-a-boo by covering his own face, and he uses the signs now for “more” and “all done” with regularity—he’s a regular boy genius! I’m so excited he can communicate with us—it only took us three kids to get to this point!)

Hope your Christmas Eve has been full of sweet smells and time with family. And may all your Christmas wishes be fulfilled!

Role Reversal

2010-12-18T22:23:00.001-08:00

I’m back at work. And I’m busy. I think both of these things are good. It’d be hard to be back at work and not be busy. I’d spend all day wondering what the kids are doing. But I don’t. It helps that (1) Jason has become our own version of Mr. Mom; (2) I like my job; and (3) I get little photo text messages every day or two that look like this:

With Casey, he was such a tiny infant—he didn’t even really understand that he was going to his grandmother’s house instead of staying with me. He just knew that he was being well-fed, well-loved and well-snuggled. With Marcie, I was in law school, and I had to start back in school pretty much a day after we got back. I didn’t have a choice by to take her, kicking and screaming, to her grandmother’s house. I knew she was well-fed, well-loved and well-snuggled. And I knew she was fine a few minutes after I left, but boy- those transitions were heart-breaking. (And, let’s be honest, if she didn’t cry when she separated from me, I would have been bothered by that, too. It’s a lose-lose.)

But with Tate, he doesn’t go anywhere. He sticks around our house with his dad. He sees his brother and sister at the same time every day (and his little feet kick out when they get home, he’s so happy to see them!). Of course he is well-fed, well-loved and well-snuggled—but all without that awful transition. And when he hears my voice or sees me come home, he screeches and crawls right on over to me, demanding that I hold him.

Yeah, I’m missing out on stuff. He learned how to wave last week. And finally started doing the sign for “all done.” And he starting to stand without holding on to anything. I will probably miss his first step. But thank goodness for smart phones (what did we do without them?). And I know the whole family is better off with Jason home. Homework gets done the right way. Meals are eaten at a reasonable hour. The house isn’t an embarrassing disaster if someone drops by (at least not usually).

Of course, it’s only been two weeks—and I’ve already come down with two eye infections, a cold, and some weird esophogal cramping thing. Tate decided this past week that he’d spend at least an hour each night- in the middle of the night- wide awake. And Casey likewise has been waking in the middle of the night and slipping into our bed. I blame the latter two lack-of-sleep issues on causing the former (health) issues. But I’m chalking all of it up to this being a time of transition. I sure hope I’m right.

It’s Beginning to Look Like Christmas

2010-12-08T22:30:00.000-08:00

Certainly it is, commercially speaking:

Don’t they look old?

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-30T22:06:00.000-08:00

The kids have the week of Thanksgiving off each year. This year we decided it'd be the perfect time to take a trip to Ohio to visit Casey's birth family. We always have fun when we visit them. And this year was no different.

They just finished off their basement, and it was beautiful:

It doesn’t really matter to us how we spend our time—it’s about being with family. And we always have such fun. One day, we took a walk to a nearby lake (and when I say nearby, I mean next door—literally):

One afternoon, we went bowling:

We saw a movie and met some new people. And generally hung out. Marcie became Casey’s older sister’s shadow. Casey loved being with his big brother and his cousin. And even Tate had someone to look up to: Casey’s other cousin. I’ve never seen Tate take to someone so immediately. I could have left the building, and he probably wouldn’t have noticed.

And I think it’s worth mentioning—though I describe these relatives in terms of their connection to Casey, we consider all of them our extended family, too. And they us. If you ask Marcie, she’ll probably tell you that she has a big sister, too. If there’s one thing adoption has taught us, it’s that family is not about blood relations. It can be. But it doesn’t have to be. And we feel so lucky that Casey’s birth family sees it that way, too.

Birthdays

2010-11-18T21:41:00.000-08:00

I'm back-dating this post. It's mid-December, so it'll be obvious. But it's a post about November, so I don't feel too badly. It's just that I got stuck around mid-November. I wanted to write some heart-warming, tear-jerking letter to Marcie in celebration of her 5th birthday. But somewhere in between loads of laundry, dirty diapers, and the general mayhem of my life, I couldn't make myself focus. And it didn't help that Marcie had hit a . . . uh . . . especially sassy period.

But Marcie had a nice birthday. We celebrated with a party at Pump it Up. As is our tradition, I made Marcie's birthday cake this year. She wanted Hannah Montana. And by the time I finished paying for the right cake pans, food coloring, frosting, tips, frosting bags, etc., I probably could have gotten a professional one much cheaper! (Note to self: Costco, costco, costco!) But, hey, it's a labor of love, right? Here's the main cake tray:

She got a lot of very cool gifts-- including blingletts (to make bracelets!) and shrinky dinks (remember those!?!). We're still working on the thank you notes (the part I wrote is finished, but Marcie's taking her sweet time completing them). But we'll get there.

Marcie was five way before she turned five. She is the same height Casey was when he was 6 1/2. And now that she's missing those three front teeth and a bottom one, she looks much older than her age. Which is fitting. Because she acts, most of the time, much older than her age. But she's only five. And I have to remember that sometimes. She is smart. And observant. And she likes to make sure everyone knows what to do. She's like a mini-me. No wonder we clash so often.

Life in the Fast Lane

2010-11-16T12:28:00.001-08:00

November has been like a speeding bullet. I can hardly keep up. I think some of it is all the birthdays—we may start out slow with just three family birthdays in late September and through October, but in November we hit our first birthday bonanza with friends and family. More on that later.

Tate’s been doing pretty well. He’s eating up a storm, which is great for his growth and development, but pretty hard on the pocketbook. Casey and Marcie were out of baby food by around 12 months for the most part. Not Tate. He devours the stinky stuff. Can’t get enough. Goes through nine containers (at a dollar each, on sale) each day. PLUS he eats some of our people food. I can’t really push the table food issue until the cleft is repaired, so I’m biding my time. For now.

At his last doctor’s appointment, Tate was up to 19.6 pounds! Just a little more and we can turn him around so he can see where we’re going in the car. We’re still working out the staph infection on his head, though. We were able to get a culture run of the stuff in the last remaining bump, and it turns out it’s MRSA (I probably spelled that wrong). So now we’re on to another anti-biotic, which will hopefully help (along with the warm compresses) expel the last remaining, stodgy infection. Tate is so accustomed to it, he doesn’t even flinch when doctors push around on this last little lump. And I’m anxious to get rid of it because, well, it’s an infection. And I don’t want anything to hold up our palate surgery.

Speaking of palate surgery, that’s a saga in itself, of course. We have scheduled appointments with all the specialists, but even once the last one (the ENT) sees him on December 21, we’ll then have to coordinate all their schedules for the surgery so they can take care of everything at once. We’re told Tate will spend one or two nights in the hospital, then have no-nos on his arms for a couple weeks. Those are like boards that prevent him from bending his arms so he can’t puncture the palate repair. He’ll be a little frankenstein. We’ll know more once we see the plastic surgeon in December.

In the mean time, we’ve been very busy around the house. I’ve discovered I actually like a clean house! (At least cleaner than the one I was living in.) I like not having to do laundry and grocery shop on weekends. I like having a clean kitchen and a family room floor I can roll around on to play with the kids. I like not being slightly embarrassed when the kids’ friends (and their parents) drop by for a play date. The keeping up takes some definite work, but it was one of the (many) things I had to just let go when I was at work outside the home full time. Things around here still aren’t perfect, but that’s okay.

Here are some pictures from our month so far:

This is how I spend much of my mornings—putting away the tupperware Tate has pulled out (it’s the cabinet without the baby lock so he has something to do without frustration in the kitchen), and pulling Tate away from the dishwasher. If it’s even slightly ajar, Tate makes a beeline for it.

My Aunt Joanne made this sweater for Tate. It zips up the back (how smart is that?), and it arrived on the first coldish weather day we’d had in a while, so it was the perfect cover when we went to the park that afternoon.

One weekend we made it to the zoo- Tate’s first visit. We mostly stuck by the Monkey Trails, and you can see Marcie and Jason monkeying around above. We also visited the elephants (who were trumpeting while we were there!), the koalas, and the reptile enclosure. After, we stopped at Ruby Tuesday for dinner:

Tate’s first taste of lemon. . . not really enjoying it so much.

Tate got to join us for a couple of Casey’s soccer games. Casey played really well in both and even scored a goal in this last one. His team is undefeated, and they are playing in their championship game (against another undefeated team) this coming Saturday.

Halloween Review

2010-11-01T12:42:00.001-07:00

Well, for the first time since Casey was born we did not make it to a pumpkin patch. At all. Between the rain and the parties, it just never worked out. Consequently, we found ourselves without pumpkins on Halloween afternoon. With nothing to carve, I set out in search of a couple of pumpkins. SIX stores later (I am not exaggerating), I came up empty-handed. So Casey and I made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies from scratch while Marcie and Jason drew pictures (and Tate napped).

Not to fret, though, we had plenty of fun over the Halloween weekend, even without the pumpkin-carving. On Saturday, we attended a costume party and brought some ghoulish appetizers to share:

And then on Halloween, we put the finishing touches on the costumes and headed down the hill (where the street is pretty flat) for dinner and trick-or-treating with some friends. It’s worth mentioning that our friends at the bottom of the hill will typically go through five giant Costco bags of candy on Halloween. People drive to our neighborhood to go trick-or-treating. There are so many trick-or-treaters, people don’t bother to open and close their doors—they just set up outside on the driveway. We lucked out with beautiful weather, and as we raced after the kids, I commented to Jason that it felt like we were in a scene from a movie. Just then, I looked up to see a small group of kids blowing by on their scooters. It was pretty idyllic.

For comparison, we hand out full-size candy bars. To encourage the trek up the hill. And we never go through a single, 30-bar box from Costco. Even when we leave the lights on until 9:00 p.m.

After the kids were finished, we checked through the candy (and otter pop) at home, told the kids they could each keep five pieces of their choice (one for each day this week after school), and then offered them $5 each for the remainder of the candy. Well, offer is putting it nicely. We told them we were taking their candy, and if they wanted $5 in exchange, well, we’d give them the money. They took the money.

Alas, I did not do a good job with photos. When Casey and Marcie were smaller, I’d chase after them with the camera. Impose myself on neighbors so that I could capture the actual moment of trick-or-treating. This year, with the almost-20-pounds of Tate strapped to me, chasing after the bigger kids, keeping up was all I could hope to do. So no pictures. Except the one I grabbed of Tate experiencing his first piece of Halloween candy (Reese’s peanut butter cup):

And this one I snapped just before we left the house. Not of the kids, though—oh no. This one is of Super Mario, Baby Mario and a High School Musical Cheerleader.

Prelude to Halloween

2010-10-30T09:02:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Halloween madness at the elementary school. Not really. But we did keep quite busy.

Tate and I started the day by attending the Friday Flag (assembly). Then we popped into Casey’s class party. It was the mellowest room of second graders I may have ever seen. I don’t know if that’s a testament to classroom management, student personality or a combination of the two. The calmness of the kids didn’t dampen the fun they had, though:

Casey’s class had a series of activities the kids rotated through, including a spider pretzel/cracker and a popcorn hand:

Marcie’s class also had a series of stations, including a mummy wrap, candy corn bingo, a bat flying game, cookie decorating, and pin the nose on the pumpkin. Marcie was quite a bit more camera shy than Casey (though adamant that I make an appearance):

After school, we all rested (especially Tate, who was too excited during all the school festivities to even think about napping during his regular nap time). Then the kids got into their costumes (only kindergarten wears costumes at school- and then only during the party time) and we headed out to the annual Boogie Bash, which parents had been setting up all day. It’s essentially a Halloween faire, with a couple bouncy activities, a lot of booths, a spooky forest (playground) a House of Horrors and plenty of snacks and treats for everyone.

We were too busy running after our bigger kids (or helping run their class booth) to capture any photos at the Boogie Bash, but here’s a preview of the costumes, which have a bit more that go into them, but we’re saving those finishing touches for Halloween.

The Future

2010-10-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things about being home is the rich conversation I get to share with the kids after school. I get to make sure they spend the time they are supposed to on homework, without copying. I get to make sure they actually read out loud (and to celebrate when they finish their first chapter book all by themself, like Casey did last week). I get to sneak to the classroom right after school to ask the teacher a quick question about something fishy. I get more of the best of them. And I like that.

Yesterday, during snack time after school, Casey was entertaining Tate (as usual). This typically involves a lot of high-pitched noise-making and dancing around. It kills me to ask them to stop because Tate clearly enjoys it-- and loves joining in with his own high-pitched noise-making and laughter. Casey turned to me, somberly, after he'd finished making himself a PB&J and said:

"Mom, this is what I'm going to do when I grow up. I'm going to make sandwiches."
"That's great Casey," I replied.
"Yep. I'm going to make all the little kids happy by making them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And I'm going to be a spy."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I'm going to be a spy when I'm 19. And then, when I'm 23, I'm going to become a sandwich maker. And I'm going to take care of my wife and Tate."
"You're going to have a wife when you're 23?"
"Uh huh. And we're going to take care of Tate. 'Cause you'll be too old by then."

I looked up at him at this point (I was feeding Tate). "How old do you think I'm going to be when you're 23, Casey?" I asked.
"Hmm. I don't know. But when Tate is 7, I'm going to take care of him."
"Casey, you know Dad and I will still be around when Tate is 7. We won't be dead."
"But you'll be old."
"Well, I hate to disappoint you, Casey, but when Tate is 7, Dad and I will only be 43."
"Oh," Casey responded. "Well, maybe I'll wait to get married until I'm 30 then."

And off he skipped (yes, skipped) to do homework.

Tate Turns One

2010-10-27T13:40:00.001-07:00

I decided to document Tate’s extraordinary first birthday (ha ha). It started with a diaper change

and a little play time before breakfast (banana cream pie yogurt and a 6 oz. bottle of whole milk (no formula!)).

We said good-bye to Jason as he went off to work, and we played some more.

Then I popped Tate into the car and we zoomed off to the grocery store, where Tate helped me shop.

Back at home, Tate had his first taste of baby food meet—Vegetable Beef. And he gobbled it up.

After eating, Tate and his full tummy headed for a nap. But it didn’t last very long because his very loud siblings woke him up when they got home from school. We were able to snap this photo:

And then get a couple shots of him playing, too:

When the kids ate their snacks, Tate showed them how much he enjoys food-pirating, and he convinced Casey to share his cheese:

That didn’t stop Tate from gobbling up his dinner—chicken noodle casserole like the rest of the family and some baby food, too. He didn’t love the baby food. But he enjoyed my cooking! After dinner, we sang happy birthday over chocolate chip muffins, and then the kids (literally) tore through birthday presents.

Finally it was time for Tate’s bath:

Then we played for a while (you can tell Jason dressed him if you look closely), until he spit up all over my pants (I left that in there for a dose of realism). Like I said, he didn’t really like the baby food (no casserole in there, if you must know).

And Tate was fast asleep within minutes. What a busy day!

Happy Birthday and Welcome Home, Tate!

2010-10-26T13:28:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe Tate is one. I mean, it’s not like a full year with him has passed, of course. But still. One. Wow. Tate is such a survivor.

In honor of his birthday, we had a Baby Open House this past weekend. Of course I got sick right before. And of course I realized after the fact all the people we should have invited but didn’t. But Tate won’t know the difference. What he will know is that we made him his own story poster (to explain to our visitors how Tate came to be part of our family).

And he’ll know that lots of people came by to wish him a happy birthday and to welcome him home. He’ll be told how he experienced his first bouncy house

and that had his his very own, homemade birthday cake.

He’ll know that lots of kids gathered around to sing him happy birthday.

And of course we’ll tell him how we thought he’d really like his specially prepared chocolate pumpkin cake at first, but quickly discovered that he didn’t really like all the attention it was bringing him.

Most of all, though, Tate will know—at least from the pictures—how so many people loved him from the moment they set eyes on him—us included.

Welcome home, little guy . . . we love you!

Finally a Picture (albeit fuzzy)

2010-10-20T19:54:00.000-07:00

He's already pulling himself up. He's a little wobbly, but considering he's only holding on to one of my hands, after pulling himself up all by himself, that's not too shabby. I'm so amazed at how quickly he's progressing-- two weeks ago, this wasn't something he could do. . .

High Fives, Waving and Handshakes

2010-10-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

I remember now why I posted so frequently when the kidlets were young. Every day is something new!

Yesterday, for example, Tate ate about half his "garden vegetables." And then stopped. At first I couldn't figure out. Yeah, the color was gross. But that's par for the course with baby food. So I finally read the label more closely. Peas, spinach and carrots. We've already established he won't eat the former and will eat the latter. And apparently the added spinach couldn't sway him to swallow the food. Can't say I blame him, really.

Tate is continuing to delight us. He now readily high-fives people, shakes fingers. And today he even attempted to wave at someone!

Doctor Visit and First Sleepover

2010-10-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Tate saw our other pediatrician today. Diagnosis is urticaria. In other words the hives are likely a virus. Apparently there was a bout going around this summer that lasted 6 weeks. So we're in a holding pattern for another month.

He's in the 5th percentile for length and just under the 5th for weight. But he's eating up a storm and we've been given the go-ahead to let him eat and eat and eat. And to switch to cow's milk.

Our other big event of the day is that Marcie had an impromptu sleepover tonight:

There was some movie-watching (High School Musical 2, to be specific):

And some nail-polishing (a different color on each fingernail and toe nail):

And then, around 9:30 or so- almost 40 minutes after they asked to go to bed, and 20 minutes after I finished reading the third bedtime story, they fell asleep:

On Food and Dinner Conversations

2010-10-13T15:29:00.000-07:00

Tate has an appetite. This, I think, is a good thing. And the food piracy has begun. For the past two mornings, he has crawled after me and Jason and essentially insisted we share our breakfast food with him. Yesterday it was yogurt. Today it was Life cereal. And spoons full of milk. He bounced up and down and let us know how pleased he was with his pirating successfully. Mind you, he gets plenty. In addition to the 7 ounces he eats right after he wakes up, he gets a fruit, a vegetable and oatmeal a couple hours later. Then another bottle about a half hour after that. But I'm happy he's eating.

Marcie's been having some food issues of her own. Two mornings ago it was gum-in-the-hair and quick wash in the sink before school to get the oil out. This morning it was yogurt. All over her long hair. Once again, she found herself standing on a chair next to the kitchen sink mere minutes before the morning ride arrived. I guess I should insist she pull back her hair before she eats. But it's never been a problem before.

One neat thing about being home with the kids and picking them up after school is that they talk to me. Seriously. I get to hear who they had a spat with, what they did in school. I get to know what they like and don't like. I get more of their good hours. And when I asked them, yesterday when they announced boredom because there was no video gaming and no TV, if they missed playing with other kids at ESS (after school care), their unequivocal answer was NO. This tells me we have made the right decision. I know it'll be a stretch, but it'll be good for them in the long run.

And that brings me to dinner. We had an early dinner last night and so Jason wasn't home yet. As I scooped food into Tate's mouth, Casey told me they'd learned about how mammals nurse at school. And I said people were humans and lots of babies nurse. But then I realized most of our family bottle-fed their kids and so I couldn't really give an example-- except for one family friend. Casey thought it was pretty gross.

Then Marcie asked if Tate was cut out of his birthmom's tummy or if he came from down there (she pointed with emphasis at her private parts with both hands). I told her the truth-- I didn't know. And she asked about her cousin Kai (cut out) and then Casey (from "down there"-- though I used the correct terminology). Marcie wanted to know if it hurt a lot. Yes, I told her. It did. But Angie was very brave.

And just as quickly as I found myself in the middle of the conversation it was over. Marcie announced she was going to have six kids and they would all have bunk beds. Casey told me he was going to have three kids-- but not one at a time like our family. He is going to "put three babies in his wife's tummy at the same time," like his friend Robbie. "It's going to be triplets!"

From all of this I take that the kids like having siblings, are happy to have Tate home with us, and are generally adjusting to outnumbering me and Jason quite well. I really couldn't ask for more.

Gum in the Hair

2010-10-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

When Marcie woke up this morning with a chunk of bubblegum in her hair- just above her shoulder, I gulped awfully hard. I couldn't get it out of all the hair-- and enough was entangled that I was worried she'd be getting a major haircut today.

Luckily, ehow.com informed me that you can use oil to get the gum out.

And heck if it wasn't right! A couple handfuls of olive oil and 20 minutes later Marcie's hair was gum-free and her head was under the kitchen sink. We got it all washed mere moments before her morning ride to school rang the doorbell.

Thank goodness for the Internet!

Food, Glorious Food

2010-10-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

So we have, at long last, introduced Tate to solid foods. He hadn't really been eating any when we met him, so we're sticking to stage 1 foods until his physical exam on the 15th. So far, he loves oatmeal (recommended to us in lieu of rice cereal), pears, apples, bananas and sweet potatoes. He is not a fan of peas. And by "not a fan," I mean that he flips his tongue out of his mouth the moment the peas hit and spews peas down the front of himself. Then sticks a hand in his mouth to clear out the full palate of peas. It's, well, messy. And he's not exactly a neat eater in the first place.

The good news is that all the solid food- on top of the formula- appears to be helping him sleep at night. I can't call it a pattern yet, but for the past three nights he went to sleep at 8pm and slept until at least 4:00 am (it might have been 4:45 am, actually- I was pretty tired when he woke me up). Yesterday and the day before he slept in until 6:30am, so I even had time to shower before he woke. That was nice. (As a side note- I love our Summer video baby monitor-- I love that when I hear him fuss, I can take a peak at what he's doing and determine from his body language if he'll put himself back to sleep.)

We've actually been taking walks, too. This is trickier. He tends to fall asleep in the last 5-10 minutes of the walk, no matter how long the walk is. I've been letting him cat nap for about 20-30 minutes, then waking him because I am being super, super conscientious about his schedule. Until I'm convinced he's over the jet lag and on a schedule, I don't want to mess with the schedule.

He's still smiley and bouncy. He can now pull himself to standing and give high-fives. The hives haven't subsided yet-- but otherwise he seems to be feeling pretty good.

Seriously Jet-Lagged and Other Assorted Tales

2010-10-07T17:01:00.000-07:00

So if you missed it, you can read the play-by-play of our trip to China to adopt Tate at http://www.bsinchina.com/. But now that we're home and I can access blogger again, I'm back to blogging here. If I can figure out how to transport my wordpress posts from China into this blog, I'll do that (and if you know how, feel free to email me the directions!).

We've been back from China for about a week. And Tate's been a trooper and a charmer. We had a physical exam scheduled for yesterday, but ended up at the doctor on Monday because he had some pesky hives that would not disappear and I feared an allergy to his formula, his main source of nutrition. It turned out that:

1. he did, indeed, have a staph infection on his head (which has cleared up nicely)
2. we will treat him as allergic to keflex/ceclor (which we didn't finish the cycle of because of the hives) until he's older
3. he is probably not allergic to dairy or his formula
4. the hives are probably his body fighting a virus (as is the swollen gland at the base of his head)
5. he has two ear infections

Despite his hives and ear infections, he's been relatively smiley and playful.

Unfortunately that mostly happens in the middle of the night or when we are in public. And these days, I'm essentially living from nap to nap. I'm not kidding.

Last night Tate went down at 8:00 pm, then woke up at 1:00 am. I fed him again at 3:00 am because he seemed so hungry (he was), and he went back to sleep until around 5:00 am. This was definite improvement over the previous night, when he woke up at midnight, then went right back down, but was up again at 2:00 am until 4:30 am, and he was joined by Casey who woke up at 4:00 am. You get the point.

So we're working on the jet lag. He needs complete darkness to fall asleep, which leaves us one of the bathrooms or the laundry room. Because the big kids need the hall light on to fall asleep, we have to be creative about making Tate's room dark-- and he zooms right in on the infrared dots on the baby monitor camera. I finally turned it off until he fell asleep last night.

I know, I know-- you want to see pictures. Well then head on over to www.bsinchina.com.

Race

2010-09-12T14:36:00.000-07:00

Race can be such a loaded topic. There is much debate in the China adoption world about the responsibilities of non-Chinese parents (predominantly White) who adopt children from China. Heck, there is much debate in the U.S. about transracial adoption, too. But the Chinese thing has been on my mind lately.

A few weeks ago, Marcie told me, "Mommy, I wish I had light skin like yours." It about made my heart stop. I think Marcie is about as beautiful as they come. I love her porcelain skin. I love her almond eyes. I love her long, dark hair. She is downright pretty. And I tell her so. All the time. (Among other things- I also tell her how smart I think she is, or how observant, or how funny.)

Of course I asked her why she wanted lighter skin. And she didn't really have a reason. Just thought it looked better is all.

After I asked her why, I asked her what color she thought her skin was (brown) and what color my skin is (light). I pointed out that I have brown "spots" (freckles) all over me, but that her skin is beautiful- and the same- all over. I told her that everybody has something about themselves that they wish was a little different. This is normal. But that I hoped she'd change her mind-- because I so very much love the color of her skin. I also told her I was glad she told me what was on her mind. (And I was glad to know that the impetus of her statement was not something mean someone said at school-- but I have to wonder, at least a little bit, how being at a not-particularly-racially-diverse school will affect her self-image as she gets older.)

I imagine this will not be our first conversation about the topic of skin color. It's such an obvious thing-- and yet lots of people really skirt the issue. I'm not going to do that. I am not going to ignore this difference between us. But I do hope she comes to view herself as I do-- just. plain. pretty.

What about you? How would you have handled it? (Or how have you handled it if the topic has come up in your home?)

Soccer Super Star

2010-09-11T14:54:00.001-07:00

Today was Casey's first game of the season. It was supposed to be five on five, with 15 minute quarters on a smaller field, as the season ramps up. No referee-- and the game win (or loss) doesn't count in the standings. But there was a mix-up with the field(s), so it was 8 on 8 instead. Which was fine. This game was one of the reasons we opted to wait to travel until Monday-- Casey's had such great momentum lately.

And he didn't disappoint. He did a fantastic job-- his coaches play the kids all over the field. He had a couple great (and important) assists. (And, for the record-- which everyone tracks even though it doesn't "count"-- his team won 3-1.)

He woke up excited about the game- even wanted to put on the uniform at 6am for a 1pm game.

Here's our soccer super star:

Toothless Grin

2010-09-08T20:30:00.001-07:00

Marcie’s dentist appointment was this morning—and Jason took her because I had a dentist appointment of my own. They gave her some valium (apparently she is a “happy drunk”), and she did a good job following directions.

Jason dropped her at Grandma S’s house after the appointment—Marcie loves going there because she gets doted on. But she called around 11:00 a.m., sobbing, and asked me to come get her. So, of course, I did. By the time I got to her, she’d received a dose of Motrin and was feeling much better. We stopped at Jamba Juice on the way home, and then she crashed for most of the afternoon. When she woke up, she was hungry and in much better spirits.

She remains on a soft food diet for the foreseeable future because her bottom teeth are improving and we want to save those. She’s definitely got a lisp so far.

Here she is on Monday, with our good friends, celebrating Labor day:

And here she is this evening (don’t mind the mess of baby clothes and toys in the background—I’ve just been purchasing things as I’ve remembered them).

Tonight, she placed each of her teeth in a snack-size ziplock bag and placed them under her pillow. She is under the impression that if she places them each in a separate bag, she will get three treats from the tooth fairy—one for each bag. That’s a lot of books! Think she’s right?

Comedy of Errors (Part Two)

2010-09-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

I first wrote a post called Comedy of Errors when we were waiting to travel to meet Marcie. I'm experiencing a bit of deja vu.

Our goal this weekend was to get Tate's room more ready than it was. (It was a mess of leftover papers and junk that we'd collected in our office before moving our office to what used to be our dining room.) But with two very active kids, I fully recognize the need to get them out and about, too.

On Saturday we connected with three other families at the park-- that's when Marcie did some severe damage to her mouth. That night, leaving our friends' house, Marcie dropped her vanilla milkshake, and it splattered all down the back of me-- and the back of our black car.

On Sunday, I took the kids through the Costco car wash, then bought Marcie a soft serve ice cream. She managed to dump vanilla ice cream down the outside door of the black car, which had just been washed. And then she didn't say anything, so it dried that way.

Later in the afternoon, she was working on a book box for school, which involved some glitter. Instead of waiting for me (I was folding laundry) to help her shake off the excess glitter, she decided to shake it herself. She tried to do so over the trashcan, but instead, she got it all over the kitchen floor.

Then today, I'd cooked pasta so that Marcie could have macaroni salad at the pool party we were attending. Marcie was carrying the bowl of pasta out through the laundry room, when she tipped the container, the lid came loose, and she spilled about half the contents on the laundry room and garage floors (those concrete floors are hard to get sticky macaroni loose from).

Poor Marcie.

On top of that, after visiting her dentist today, we learned that she will be losing at least three teeth on Wednesday-- her front two teeth and one next to it (on top). We are keeping our fingers crossed that the bottom three teeth and a top canine can be saved. It turned out the fall was very damaging to Marcie's mouth-- she went from an overbite to an under bite (no exaggeration). And the trauma was as if someone took a baseball bat to her mouth. Poor kid. I think she's getting bored of all the soft foods. She's off the Motrin now, but she'll be back on it on Wednesday when they "wiggle her teeth out."

She's been very positive about it all-- she thinks it's just great that the tooth fairy will be visiting and exchanging gifts for three teeth.

All I can think about (besides the pain the poor girl will be in) is how much her smile is going to change in the next couple days. . . I know it would have happened eventually. But three teeth at once-- it's a lot. Glad I got some great smiley shots of her with Casey before the incident. I'll post some before and after photos later this week.

Faceplant

2010-09-05T07:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we met up in the park with some neighbors/friends to play when it cooled off.

Marcie was sitting on top of the metal gate that surrounds the sandbox, her feet wrapped through the bars of the gate. I think she may have called out my name- though I don't' remember it- and the next thing I knew, she was falling face forward onto the concrete. Nothing broke her fall. Except her face, I guess.

Fortunately, we were with three other families, who herded the other kids away from the scene and handed me a cloth to use. Marcie's crying wasn't even loud enough to alert Jason to her distress, and one of the parents went to get him. The other families told us they'd watch Casey and off we drove (thank goodness we drove to the park instead of walked!). When Marcie fell, her front two teeth were shoved up into her gum line, and she cut her lip (and scratched up her chin). There was a lot of blood. And after a while, her teeth actually came back down, out of the gum line (and we discovered that one is cracked the length of the tooth, down the middle).

On the way, we called my sister-in-law, whose cousin in our kids' dentist-- and she gave us Dr. Hope Ann's personal phone number. And thankfully Hope Ann answered and was not irritated we called. And was very helpful. And even offered to see Marcie on Monday- even though it's Labor Day.

The bleeding eventually stopped, and her fat lip makes her very difficult to understand. But she was never threw up, didn't bite all the way through the lip (so won't need plastic surgery), and her chin injury is just some abrasions. She was feeling better enough a couple hours after it happened to join the other families in a dinner feast with a gaggle of kids (and I even had to keep telling her to stop running in her flip flops!) Of course, we won't have an official prognosis until we see the dentist, but I am nonetheless feeling pretty lucky that the damage was not worse- and that we were with people who were super helpful and understanding.

My Big Girl Goes to Kindergarten

2010-08-25T18:20:00.000-07:00

Today was Marcie's first day of kindergarten.

She carefully picked out a new outfit, which I washed and set out for her to wear, with a new pair of shoes she also selected. Last night, I stayed up late organizing our classroom supply donations for each child, labeling their backpacks and lunchboxes, and pre-making as much of their lunches as I could.

This morning, Marcie decided she didn't want to wear her new clothes. Or shoes. And I thought we were going to be in big trouble. But then, she told me if I'd wear my exercise shoes (which totally clashed with my outfit), she'd agree to wear hers. So I did.

We walked to school and I helped Casey scout out his new line-up location.

When one of his teachers picked up the class, I wandered back over to the kindergarten playground, just as Marcie's teacher arrived. Her teacher gave me a huge hug and said hello to Marcie, calling her by name (it doesn't hurt that this was Marcie's teacher last year and that her two sons have been responsible, in part for Casey and Marcie's summer care).

We helped Marcie hang up her backpack, watched her sign her name and cut a line, and caught up with one of her summer friends at the I Spy poster to locate some items. Then Marcie and I sat and read while we waited for class to begin. Mrs. F read The Kissing Hand to the kids and then invited us to kiss our kids good-bye.

For a brief moment, I thought Marcie might cry-- and I knew if she did, I would, too. One little girl started crying, then a little boy -- and I thought for sure it was going to set of a chain reaction of little tears. But it did not. Thankfully.

When I returned 3 1/2 hours later to collect Marcie, she found me right away,

pointed me out to her teacher,

and gave Mrs. F a high-five good-bye.

She proudly told me that she'd learned to read. That she'd sung two songs. That I forgot to pack her a spoon in her lunch, but not to worry because she went ahead and just bought one ("and they didn't even charge [her]!").

I'm one proud mama.

Sweet Anticipation

2010-08-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

Marcie's first day of kindergarten is just two days away.

We've been talking about it all summer. We moved her over to the school's summer program so that she could make some new friends before the year began-- and it took a while, but she did.

Today we got her class roster, and as luck would have it, neither of her two best summer friends will be in her class next year. I admit it. I'm disappointed. But Marcie took it in stride. At least over the phone. I'd called to check in and see how her day at the beach with her cousins was going, and my mom put her on the phone. My mom told me Marcie looked like a teenager, sitting on her towel chatting away on a cell phone.

I started out with the "bad news" first-- neither of her two besties are in her class next year. Then, I went on to tell her that two of her good friends from pre-K are in her class next year. There was a bit of a pause, and then she said, (insert stereotypical tween/teenager tone): "Okay, Mom. But who is my teacher?"

Oh. I gave her that piece of information. She said, "Cool," and then she handed the phone back to my mom.

Perhaps I'm the one with the anxiety after all . . .

Happy Familyversary

2010-08-22T01:40:00.000-07:00

Four years ago today, Jason and I sat in a hotel conference room, listening to instructions on how to prepare a bottle "Chongqing" style for our new daughter-to-be.

The room was filled with 17 very anxious, new parents. And as the caretakers carried the babies and sat them down in conference room chairs, we all craned our necks and whispered to our partners and pointed to our children. As soon as they set Marcie down on a chair, she cried.

Then, one by one, we were called to the front of the room. As we were handed our daughter, we paused quickly for a couple of posed photos, then took our children back to our sections of the giant conference room and fed them.

This evening, we found ourselves out to dinner-- just the three of us-- while Casey is at a sleepover. Marcie loved being doted on. So, in that sense, not much has changed.

Happy Familyversary, Marcie!

Today:

Please Help by Writing to your Senators

2010-08-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

This is a double-post-- it'll go up on Tate's blog, too. But this blog gets a bit more traffic. Hence the double-post.

We were initially told that if we received our Travel Approval in the next week or so, we could plan for September travel. October travel to China is tricky because of a National Holiday the first week (which shuts everything down) and because of the trade fair, which runs every weekend in October and triples the prices. Many adoption agencies won't schedule travel in October at all. And this year, the Asian Games are in Guangzhou in November-- so the prices are much higher then, as well. So we have been hoping for September travel.

Now we have learned that most of the September consulate appointments are full in September (already!). In the past, agencies have been able to schedule these appointments for about 3-4 weeks after receiving Travel Approval from China. Families swear an oath at these appointments so that their children can receive visas and become U.S. citizens upon entry into the U.S. (or, in cases where only one parent travels, upon completing of additional paperwork after entry into the U.S.). It is a required appointment/event. (They basically shuffle you into a waiting room, have everyone raise their right hand and swear an oath, then file you in several lines to a window where a consulate employee asks if your paperwork is accurate and if you promise to treat your child like your child is your child and you say yes.)

Now we are being told there could be an additional 2 week delay (which definitely pushes us to October) because there are not enough appointment slots available.

The fix is very simple. The consulate can add additional appointments. They could add a second swearing-in (so to speak) for a given day (or two) or just add more people to the ones already scheduled. To make this happen, though, we need to apply PRESSURE. And that's where you come in. PLEASE write to your state senators and congressional representatives. I've made it easy for you. Just cut and paste the text below into an email to your representative. (I've sent in a modified version of what is below.) Here is the link to figure out who your senators are (just choose your state). And here is the link to figure out who your congressional representatives are (enter your zip code).

Dear Senator _______:

I hope that you will be able to help with an issue of great concern to many U.S. families. The U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China issues travel visas for newly adopted children traveling home with their families. A number of families have had difficulty scheduling appointments in September, which has resulted in a delay of a couple weeks before they can travel to meet their children. Additionally, because there are few appointments available, families who anticipate receiving their approval to travel to China are now being told to anticipate even longer delays. This is particularly problematic because of the upcoming Chinese National holidays and a number of special events in Guangzhou throughout October and November, making travel more difficult.

Meanwhile, these children wait in orphanages for their families. Many of these children and their families have been waiting to find each other for years. To be further delayed due to restrictive scheduling is terribly disappointing- and unnecessary.

I would appreciate you taking any action you can to encourage the Consulate to open additional time slots in September and October to accommodate families preparing to be united.

Thank you for your consideration.

Yours truly,

(signature)

International Signs

2010-08-17T19:47:00.001-07:00

I always thought the international sign for choking was just a natural gesture a choking person would use.

Not so much.

Last night we went to Souplantation for dinner. We were in a large group- the four of us, my younger brother’s family of 5, my parents, and my older brother with his three kids. I’d just placed my tray on the table when my oldest nephew jumped up from his seat and snatched the bottle of water from my tray.

He looked up at me with watery eyes. “Is it hot, Sal?” I asked. “Spit it out—if it’s hot, spit it out.” I thought maybe he’d bitten into a jalapeno or something.

Sal began to jump/stomp his feet, clearly agitated. He looked up at me again, eyes still watery. “Are you choking, Sal?” I asked, as I began to move around behind him. My brother, his dad, was next to me, and he began to move into Heimlich maneuver position, too. Just then, Sal was able to grasp- with the tips of his fingers- a slice of pickle that had lodged in his throat.

I wrapped my arm around him as the tears began to fall, and then stepped back so his dad could take over. I could see people around us, whispering and pointing. And other people who continued to eat, not noticing our drama.

I remembered back to when Casey was 11 months old and I had to perform the baby Heimlich maneuver on him because he got a pizza crust lodged in his throat. My eyes began to water.

Bob told Sal: “The good news is that you would not have suffered much longer- we’d just figured out you were choking, and we were going to help you.” Then he took Sal outside to calm down – and to teach him the international sign for choking. Hopefully Sal will never need to use it again.

Soccer Madness

2010-08-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

Marcie practically begged us to sign her up for soccer. So we did. She was adamant that Jason coach. So he does. She insisted on being on a team with one of her friends. So she is.

So why, why, why did she beat me up when it was time to put on the soccer gear?

First, she insisted that she should not have to wear the yellow team shirt. Then, once we got it on her, she refused to put on shin guards and cleats. After 20 minutes of screaming and crying (her, not me), Jason and Casey left the house without her for the game. And I left her alone.

Sort of. She followed me around the house. And whenever she’d scream at me about how she was missing the game, I’d calmly tell her I knew, and that she could join her team as soon as she put on her soccer gear. After she threw a book at me, I banished her to her bedroom. Then things escalated. So I took away her books. Her music player. Her reading lamp.

I couldn’t keep her in her room, so I tried a baby gate. That took all of about 6 seconds for her to kick down.

Eventually she relented. She agreed to the shin guards and the cleats. She finally let me put her hair up in a pony tail.

We arrived about 5 minutes before the end of the first half and she went straight onto the field to play goalie. Her eyes were puffy and swollen from tears. Her throat was raw from screaming. My lower back was flaming pink from the back-slaps I endured.

I went to the viewing gallery to watch. I waved and smiled. I shouted encouraging things.

Just another day with an almost-five-year old, spicy girl.

Bangs!

2010-08-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

All the sun and swimming meant Marcie needed a hair cut. On the way, Marcie says, "Mom, I think I want bangs."

What? Huh? Bangs? This wasn't something I'd discussed with Jason-- and the thing about hair is that once you cut it, you can't uncut it. . .

I really hesitated. But, not surprisingly, Marcie seemed pretty certain. . .

And she looks great!

Corner Turned

2010-08-10T23:16:00.000-07:00

Today marked day 3 of no morning tantrums. (Day 5 if you count the weekend, but I don't because weekends are different.) I hope I don't jinx us by writing about it.

Don't get me wrong, Marcie still has puh-lenty of attitude. But she's not using it to throw herself down on the ground or to fling herself (or her words) at me. There just wasn't the usual defiance.

I have no idea what caused the shift. Maybe getting to decide how to arrange her bedroom gave her a sense of control that she's been wanting. Maybe now that she has "three best friends" at school, she's feeling more safe and comfortable going there now. Maybe it's that Jason takes them to school in the mornings instead of me these days.

Whatever it is, I'm glad.

Of course, there's only about a week left of the summer program, then school starts on the 25th. A whole new routine. But at least her "three best friends" will share playtime with her. And odds are that at least one of them will be in her class, as there are only two kindergarten classes this year.

We'll see. But for now, I'll take what I can get. . .

Vote for Kai

2010-08-04T21:09:00.000-07:00

My youngest nephew, Kai, has been entered into a contest to become the next Gerber baby. Or at least to win a Flip camera or a college scholarship. Whatever the prize, he needs your vote. You can vote once a day every day for the next month by clicking this link and voting.

In case you’re wondering, he really is that cute. Here’s a photo to prove it:

Now go vote for the cute little guy!

Eleven Years

2010-08-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary to us.

When I told Marcie we were going on a date, she asked what that was.

I explained that it's time grown ups spend together, alone.

"To get married?" she asked.

"Well, sometimes grown-ups date to figure out if they want to get married," I said.

"But why can't I come with you?" she inquired. "You're already married. I saw the pictures."

The kids spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa S.'s house. We slipped off to see Inception and then headed down to one of our favorite restaurants in Coronado- Peohe's. We were seated right on the water's edge, overloooking the downtown San Diego skyline, and we arrived just in time to see a spectacular fireworks display.

It was a perfect evening.

Talent Show

2010-07-31T14:40:00.000-07:00

I've "complained" a few times about how difficult Marcie has been- mostly in the mornings. The other day, in between her fits of screaming, kicking and spitting at me while refusing to get dressed (even with help), she told me she wanted to go back to her preschool because she doesn't have any friends at the new school. I know this isn't so. But transition is rough. So I listened to her. I told her I understood. I explained that she's too big for preschool and that she will make new friends.

On Thursday evening, Marcie announced that she was in the summer talent show. She asked if Aunt Megan would come watch her perform the next day. Of course, Aunt Megan had already left town, so that wasn't possible. Jason couldn't get away for the 1:00 p.m. show either. So that left me. . .

I don't like leaving mid-day because, with the commute, it means missing around 2 or 2.5 hours in the middle of the workday, but it seemed important to her. And I was able to make it work.

I am so. glad. I. did.

The talent show wasn't very good.

But Marcie performed a dance. On. stage. In front of an audience of about 50-60. She didn't chew her nail, stand still, stomp, or even hesitate. She popped up on stage and did her thing.

She was so proud of herself.

And I was proud of her, too. Still am.

Smiley Tate

2010-07-27T21:36:00.001-07:00

We received an update on Tate.

Here's his most recent picture:

You can read all about it over on Tate's Blog.

Break-in Update

2010-07-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

We're mostly recovered from the break-in.
Jason's parents loaned us their wii.
My sister and brother in law loaned us their flat screen.

We recovered the Kindle (must have dropped it on their way out).
We'll replace the laptop this week.

And we'll replace the other stuff when the insurance stuff clears.

On to other concerns. . .

Robbed

2010-07-19T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what the proper legal term is-- but our home was robbed today.
Jason and the kids discovered the burglarization when they got home from work/school.

The thief or thieves took our flat screen, my digital camera, Jason's 3-day-old MacBook Pro and the wii (and the wii games). They also took some jewelry (namely a ring my grandmother left to me when she died), though they left most of my nice jewelry behind.

They ransacked the master bedroom-- is that where most people store their most important stuff? Other than the flat screen and Jason's kindle (also stolen), it doesn't look like they took much else from in there (and there wasn't much else to be taken-- though, notably, they did not take my Kindle).

It's hard not to feel violated.
The kids are pretty upset about the wii. But I think they are actually upset about not feeling totally safe like they used to. Jason's laying down with Marcie right now.

I am grateful they didn't find (or perhaps even look for) our passports. If they'd stolen our identities, that would be a nightmare. I'm even more grateful none of us was home. I'm sure this was by design- but I'm still grateful for that.

Home invasions in our neighborhood are very rare. And two neighbors across the street and one of our next door neighbors are home all day (and were today). So I have to wonder how much of it was luck and how much of it was that our home was cased. In the end, I suppose it doesn't matter.

It's not the loss of stuff that hurts (though, I'm not gonna lie-- it sucks and will take a while to replace). It's the feeling that I somehow failed the kids by "letting" this happen. I sure hope this becomes a long distant memory for them, a small blip on their otherwise carefree childhood.

Seattle

2010-07-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

We spent the Fourth of July in Seattle. I attended college just south of Seattle in the early 90s and haven't been back in more than 7 years, but the real impetus was spending time with one of Jason's sisters- Jessica.

It was just like I remembered it-- cold and rainy-ish. But that didn't stop us from getting out and about:

On top of the Space Needle.

Inside Pacific Science Center (just before we entered the butterfly room).

On a Duck tour.

From this photo, you'd never know the weather wasn't beautiful-- the sun peeked out for just a few hours that afternoon. This was our view while we boated around Lake Union.

Our 4th of July barbecue was moved indoors for rain, but after dinner all the kids were outside, playing with sparklers and colorful smoke firecrackers (all totally legal), for about an hour until it started getting dark. Casey wasn't too keen on the sparklers, so this is the only one he held.

Marcie, on the other hand, couldn't get enough.

We had a really fantastic time-- and Jason's sister was such a wonderfully gracious host.

Big Changes

2010-07-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

I have been remiss in my posting in large part because it's such a pain in the butt to download photos to include. I know, excuses, excuses.

Well, this post is all about Marcie. She's going through a rough patch right now. She has always been opinionated and sassy, but she's really been testing us in the past week and a half or so. Refusing to brush her teeth, comb her hair-- even get dressed. Throwing herself on the floor. Screaming at me. It's like having a teenager in the house. (I'm not-so-secretly hoping that us battling it out while she four and I'm thirty-something means I'll get a reprieve later on in life.)

But, in truth, Marcie is going through a lot of change right now.

Almost two weeks ago now, she graduated from preschool, where she's been hanging out with the same teachers and the same kids for almost 3 full years:

And the very next day (after a celebratory meal at Souplantation), Marcie started ESS, the local after-school care/summer camp program sponsored by our elementary school:

At ESS, Marcie is in a room with the other incoming kindergartners, and Casey is right next door. Each week has a theme, a trip to the movies and the community pool, a bring-your-bike-to-school day, and a field trip somewhere fun. The kids come home exhausted.

I know Marcie will adjust, but it's a big change for her. So we're trying very hard to be very patient. Even when she tells us she wants to go find a new family.

Here We Grow Again . . . Meet Tate!

2010-07-02T19:40:00.001-07:00

Born October 26, 2009 in Henan Province and given the name Fu Long Jie by the caregivers at Jiaozuo City Welfare Institute, our son was transferred to Beijing at age 3 weeks, where he remains in a group foster home called Shepherd’s Field Children’s Village (Langfang Village in China) and run by the American-based organization the Philip Hayden Foundation. This means he is receiving extra attention and his caregivers have been trained to work with kids, like Tate, who were born with a special need.

Tate’s special need is a cleft lip and cleft palate.

We think he’s just beautiful, and we can’t wait to meet the little guy in person.

We'll still be posting about our day to day life here (stay tuned for photos of Marcie's preschool graduation!), but because blogger is blocked in China, we've started a separate block to document our journey to China for Tate: www.bsinchina.com

Another One Bites the Dust

2010-06-16T21:10:00.000-07:00

So, in case you're keeping count, our small fresh-water fish tank, as of last week, was home to two fish, an algae-eater fish, and a frog (Jeff, Hannah Montana Gabriella S____, Jackson, and Toby, respectively).

While we were away camping, I returned home to feed and take care of the dob (because our original plan fell through), and I gave the fish two flakes of food. That's it. Two flakes. I swear.

On Tuesday we found Jeff floating on his side, at the bottom of the tank-- and Jackson looked like he was sucking Jeff. Eww. We flushed Jeff, and told Casey in the morning. He took it all in stride, which is good. It's just a fish, after all.

In other news, Casey rode his two-wheeler bike at "camp" this week-- successfully! He also actually went rock climbing with some of his classmates and his first grade teacher. And he slept through the big rumbles that we felt here earlier this week (which totally freaked me out).

Marcie is still sassy as ever. She refuses to get dressed in the morning, put her pajamas on at night, or follow directions. She just says, "No, I don't want to." We've tried rewarding her, punishing her, and ignoring her (not all at once). Nothing works. On the one hand, this is terrible for me as her mother. On the other hand, at least I have confidence that no one will convince my daughter to do anything she doesn't want to do.

Camping

2010-06-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

Each year we try to do some sort of camping activity. Two summers ago, we took the kids camping up in the Cuyamaca mountains. It was a little hot, but there was plenty of shade, and we just went for one night. That same summer, we took them on a very low-key camping trip to our local lake, where all we had to do was bring a tent and meat for dinner-- the campfire, activities and hiking were all set up for us. But even then, we couldn't help but feel that if we were going to go to all the trouble of packing all that stuff, we should at least sleep in the tent for a couple nights.

Last summer, we tried beach camping with some good friends in a borrowed motor home. To us, it felt like extreme tailgating. The only reason we had space for the kids to play was because the spot next to us was empty. And it was the only one in the whole lot that was empty.

This year, we decided to try out a private camp ground we'd been to about 5 years ago. It's more expensive than state parks. And more crowded. There are some tent-only sites and some RV only sites, and some that allow for both. We did the latter, near the beach. Which turned out to be windy and cold the first night. But by noon on the second day, the weather was beautiful.

The camp ground has a giant play structure, a swim area for the ocean, plenty of sand, bike and boating rentals, and a bunch of heated pools. There is also a skate park, an arcade, a horseshoe area, a cafe with ice cream and a general store. So it's not what you'd call roughing it-- but that's okay with us, too.

This year, our group grew by one family. Casey is about 2 1/2 years older than the next oldest kid, and the youngest is about 22 months old, so the kids get along relatively well. The first night, the kids were so hyped up, we just could not get them to sleep. And just as we got them down, fireworks from Sea World riled them up, so of course we let them get out of bed to watch. That didn't meant they slept in the next morning, though! They were up by 6:30, ready to start their day. The boys napped a bit on Saturday, after swimming, kite-flying and playing in the sand. Then the group rented a giant 11-seater bike contraption, and we pedaled all over the park.

The kids rode their bike all over the asphalt, and then Casey decided he was ready to have his training wheels removed (at long last). (I personally attribute this to him biking with his cousin, who is a year and a half younger than he is and has off the training wheels for about a year now, the afternoon before.) And all be darned. He did it! By the end of the weekend, Casey was riding his bike without his training wheels. (After we got home, Jason took him to parking lot, where he fell for the first time, but wasn't injured too badly-- and now he's up and riding again already!) Here's a snapshot (yes, it's blurry-- he was moving.)

After that, we headed over to the play area, where I proceeded to embarrass Casey by "yelling" at some middle-school-aged-looking kids who were throwing hands-full of the rubber chips from the roof top of the play structure, many of which were landing on other, smaller kids. When Casey saw me explain to them that I understand they were having fun but that it was hurting other kids, he yelled at me: "You're not the boss of the playground!" A nearby dad overheard him, and said: "Do you want me to go find your parents?" Sheepishly, I had to admit I was the parent, and he was sassing me because I'd apparently embarrassed him.

Finally, we headed back to camp for dinner, banana boats and another camp fire.

Sunday morning we packed up camp and headed back home, where the kids and I took nice naps. It was a great weekend-- great friends, great food, great weather-- can't wait to do it again next year!

Here are some photos of the fun:

Left column: the bigger kids getting ready for a walk and roasting marshmallows for s'mores
Middle column: headlight, the girls at the park, Casey in our tent
Right column: Lucas practicing without training wheels, watching the fireworks, Griffin preparing the beer, and the girls

The Red-Eyed Tree Frog

2010-05-12T20:36:00.000-07:00

Here's Casey in his class performance about a rain forest. He was the Red-Eyed Tree Frog:

And a very few seconds of a favorite family song:

Angels

2010-03-09T21:58:00.000-08:00

Casey's playing baseball this spring.

We really like the coach (he's a neighbor and a good friend).

And Casey seems to be having fun.

I missed the first game-- because the real first game was rained out and then his next game was on a school day. Luckily my parents were in town, and they showed up to cheer for him. He connected with the ball and got on base.

And he repeated the performance on Saturday when I was at the game, too. I'm particularly impressed by this because he's been batting right-handed, but he's really left-handed. It reminds me of that scene from Princess Bride where Indigo thinks he's playing a great trick on Wesley by sword-fighting left-handed, only to reveal that he is really right-handed. And then Wesley, who is also sword-fighting left-handed, also reveals that he, too, is really right-handed. In my mind, one of these days Casey will shout out, amused, "Aha! I am good at hitting. But this is not my best. Because I am really left-handed!" And he'll switch-hit.

Ah, pipe dreams.

Now if we could just get him to stand without locking his arms behind his back so he could actually catch some balls!

Did I mention we've begun work on our retaining wall?

I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced

2010-03-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

I read this book this weekend. It's a quick read.
What else can you expect from a 12 year old?
Seriously. This is a true story, a memoir, written by a 12-year-old Yemeni divorcee.

It sounds just awful, doesn't it?
If you google her name, you will happen upon Glamour and CNN stories about her rape and beating. And you'll wonder how her parents could ever let it happen. You'll wonder what her father was thinking arranging the marriage of his 10-year-old daughter to a 30-year-old man. You'll wonder what that 30-year-old man's mother was thinking when she encouraged him to sleep with the girl. You'll wonder what kind of world they live in.

You may even stay awake at night, wondering.

The thing is, it's a story of triumph. A story of the resiliency of a pure-hearted girl. A story of right and wrong and how sometimes the simple truths which should be so obvious get muddled and mucked by grown-ups. There's no real excuse for it.

And Nujood does a pretty good job of explaining what happened, without causing the reader to pity her or her family or her situation-- and without causing the reader to hate her parents. A pretty amazing feat considering what she lived through.

But then, if you haven't noticed yet, Nujood is a pretty amazing girl.

It's a good book. It's interesting. It's not too descriptive, and yet it is fascinating all the same.

Here's the link to it on Amazon, in case you'd like a copy for yourself: I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced.

Missing Girl

2010-02-27T06:10:00.000-08:00

I received an email Friday that made me feel sick. You see, last year in a nearby town, a young high school girl went missing on her way to school. It wasn't clear if she ran away or was taken. She's still missing. About a month ago, in a town just a little north of that, an entire family of four disappeared. Their car was found near the border, locked. Police are stumped. And this week a local girl vanished as well. They police suspect she was kidnapped at this point. Her car was found locked in the parking lot, near running trails where she was taking an afternoon run at a park. When she didn't return home by dark, police got involved. I regularly ran those very hills when I was training for half marathons a couple years ago. I can only imagine the grief and worry her parents are feeling. It's every parent's worst nightmare.

I try very hard not to post any real, identifying information about people whose pictures I include on the blog, which is why I don't use last names. But this is different. I'm posting information about her, below. Please keep an eye out.

MISSING

Chelsea King

5’5” -115 lbs Petite Build- Strawberry Blonde hair- Blue eyes- 17 years old

Last Seen: Thursday, February 25th 2010 around 3:00 PM at Rancho Bernardo Community Park, San Diego, near Lake Hodges, Wearing running clothes.

If you have any information PLEASE call: (858) 513-2800

The (Infamous) Lotus Candle

2010-01-31T18:34:00.000-08:00

When we were in China, we discovered the lotus candle, and we bought a couple to bring home to the U.S. It's a flower that shoots off a big scream of flame, then opens (or blooms) into a flower of candles, all the while playing a high-pitched version of "Happy Birthday."

We used one for Casey's 4th birthday after we returned.
And we used one (a knock-off we bought at Albertson's) for Marcie's 4th birthday.

Then we found another one at Albertson's (they're rare, I tell ya!). Here it is at Casey's birthday party yesterday (and, in particular, I hope you enjoy Jason's commentary):

Casey's Rock'n Bowlers Birthday Bash

2010-01-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

I didn't get a ton of photos-- at least not good ones-- in part because the kids were all over the place at the party. But Casey did have a good time. The kids seemed to like the t-shirts we made as party favors. They were skeptical about the silly putty we handed out as a "thank you for coming" party favor gift at the end, but we were fine with that. There was plenty of pizza and french fries and lemonade and cake. And lots of friendly competition and laughter, too.

Casey bowled a 76 his first game- and in the last frame, one of his friends came from behind to end with a 77. The highest score among the kids was an 86, which is pretty impressive for a bunch of 7 year olds.

Here are some photos. I'll upload a video of his lotus candle on the birthday cake (we were careful to have everyone move balloons out of the way, but I put a few other candles too close to the big one and had to move them because they were catching the petals on fire!).

Bowling Birthday Cake

2010-01-30T13:31:00.000-08:00

One thing I learned early on as a parent is that when your child tells you they want something and you decide to buy it, you should not "upgrade" whatever it is they've asked for to the newer, better version. You should get them what they asked for.

This year Casey asked for cupcakes for his birthday. And that's what he got. But when it came time for his party, he was elusive about what he wanted his cake to be. I'd read horror stories about making ball cakes (in a round pan), and I didn't have the time to do a "practice" cake. So I did half a ball for the bowling ball, made the cupcakes, and did a bowling pin to boot.

I'm no Cake Boss or anything. But cakes are what I like to do for the kids. Some people make Halloween costumes. I bake. Here are the results:

Update:

On the way to the birthday party, as Jason was walking into the garage, the cardboard holding the bowling ball and bowling pin bent. Which caused the cakes to slide forward and Jason to lose his balance. The bowling ball did a little flip roll and almost ended up somewhere between the hood of my car and the garage floor-- but Jason caught it and we were able to flip it right back in place. Phew. I was just glad I took the pictures before we transported it. That, and that I'd made plenty of cupcakes for everyone.

Tooth Fairy Cometh

2010-01-29T23:00:00.000-08:00

In the week after Disneyland (or maybe it was the week right before- it's blending now. That's what I get for waiting too long to post about it), Casey lost another tooth.

Now, I don't know what the going rate for the Tooth Fairy is in your neck of the woods, but around these parts, we've heard tooth rewards of as much as $20 (!). Casey's cousin recently received $5, but his parents explained that was because it was a special event (his first one), and they doubted the Tooth Fairy would ever bring that much again.

Casey's Tooth Fairy (or Tooth Fairies-- he's not sure if there is a different one for each tooth) brings him $1 bill for each tooth. It comes in a snack-sized ziplock back, as a bookmark in an easy reader style book. I'm not entirely sure how the Tooth Fairy decided on this reward-- except that it's my understanding that one of the fairies in Tooth Fairy land wanted to give books to encourage reading, but the others all told her that Casey would be disappointed to discover other children received cash. The first Tooth Fairy was not entirely convinced that was true, I imagine, because what do children spend cash on, anyway? But the fairies, like all good collaborative partnerships, must have agreed to compromise. Because Casey gets money and a book he can read.

Anyway, Casey's tooth was knocked out of his mouth at school when he was horsing around with his friends. He was not clear about the location or the context of the horseplay-- just that it went down the drain. So he had no tooth to leave the Tooth Fairy in exchange for a reward. He decided (on his own) that he should write a note, explaining what happened. And, he posited that the Tooth Fairy would respond in writing, and because fairies are small, the note would have to be tiny.

Here's Casey's note:

And here was the Tooth Fairy's reply, included in the ziplock bag, along with the dollar bill, as a book mark in a new League of Justice book.

Pediatric Urgent Care Is Anything But Urgent

2010-01-25T20:16:00.000-08:00

Casey's fever did not subside by Sunday.

So off we went to our local (pediatric) urgent care, where they do not triage.

I actually think this played to our advantage, given that all we had were four days' of a fever (ranging from 101 to 103.9) and an infrequent cough. But I was struck by how long the wait was. We arrived 25 minutes after opening, were seen after about 3 hours of waiting and then discharged another hour later.

In chatting with a couple other moms in the waiting area (both there for ear infections and just in need of antibiotics for their girls), and in exchanging stories with them, it struck me how terrible our Children's Hospital system is at treating urgent patients. When you got to the ER, even by ambulance, they triage. So even if you have a broken bone, unless it is compound and you need surgery, you could be waiting six hours or more (and in fact, we ran into that on one of our trips to the ER). This is so even when the doctor sends you there and calls ahead.

Urgent care on the weekends is much the same.

But the thing is, what else can you do? If Sunday happens to be day four of fever, the options are urgent care or ER. If your kid breaks his arm on a Saturday, your options are urgent care or ER. And if your insurance company is like ours, we have to go to the children's urgent care.

What I learned is that our children's hospital urgent care is staffed by one doctor. One. A second one gets called in eventually (after about 2 1/2 hours, in our case). I guess I should be impressed that one doctor was able to handle 14 patients in under 3 hours. But I just felt bad for her.

So I've come to the conclusion that, given the number of kids who are in accidents or fall ill on the weekends, we most definitely understaff our urgent care (and ER system). Why? I have no idea.

Casey wasn't feeling well, so he was fine with laying all over me and watching the endless loop of Disney movies. When he felt better, we downloaded a Magic Treehouse book on my Kindle and took turns reading to each other. When the doctor finally got to us, after listening to him breathe and giving him a breathing treatment, she explained that any true diagnosis would require x-rays at a nearby (not pediatric) hospital, and the wait would be at least 2 hours. Then they'd have to be read and blah blah blah blah. (I stopped listening.) Fortunately, she was willing to send us home with an inhaler and antibiotics as an alternative. And off we went to the pharmacy.

His fever was gone by morning (thank you antibiotics), and he was in good spirits all day at Grandma's house, enjoying homemade soup for lunch and a full spread of Chinese and American food for dinner. (Yum!)

The Birthday Party That Wasn't

2010-01-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

Casey came home with a fever yesterday. Nothing else wrong. Just a fever.

When I got the phone call from the school, I was secretly glad for an excuse to leave the office. Even though I was pretty busy, I work in a high rise (albeit only about halfway up). The high rise was built on rollers. This is good for earthquakes, because it better withstands ground rumblings by allowing the building to roll or sway instead of topple. This is not good for windy, windy days because the building sways with the wind. At least it's not good for me on windy days because, as it turns out, I get motion sick. By sitting at my desk. And yesterday I forgot my sea-sickness bands. So having to pick up Casey was a nice excuse to work at home.

But now he's still sick. With a fever.
I called the doctor's office, and they suspect it's just a cold.
I didn't even know you could have a fever with a cold. But you can.

Initially we thought we'd just have the party without Casey. After all, the kids were expecting it. And how would I reach all the parents?

But then I called the bowling alley, and they agreed to reschedule.
And then I tracked down contact information for everyone who'd RSVPd.

Perhaps some kids won't be able to make it next week. I know life gets busy.
But it's just a birthday party-- and it's a bit hard to have one without a birthday boy.

So next week it is.

Disneyland

2010-01-17T22:44:00.000-08:00

I love going to Disneyland on Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. It's never too hot. It's never too crowded. But this year, someone has to work (and it's not me). So we decided to head up for the weekend before the holiday. This ended up working out well (especially because it's now raining and we got to enjoy the Magic of Disney in sunshine).

We went last year at the same time, but it's been a whole year, so the kids were pretty excited. Though they did inform us that they would not being going on Pirates of the Caribbean (too scary, they claimed).

We stayed at a very conveniently-located hotel, in a family suite. We started our day yesterday in California Adventure at Soarin' Over California, which we've always wanted to ride. Marcie is well over the 40" mark now, so she got to enjoy the experience, too. (As a side note, I just found Casey's 5-year check-up paperwork when I was cleaning and he was more than an inch and probably two pounds lighter than Marcie currently measures at age 4!) After we finished up in California Adventure and headed over to Disneyland for lunch, we headed to the hotel for an afternoon nap. Then we let the kids stay up for the fireworks last night.

This morning we nibbled on our continental breakfast before we hit the park (just in time for the gates to open). We went straight for Indiana Jones, which was broken. I waited while Jason and the kids rode the Jungle Boat and climbed Tarzan's tree. They returned just in time for the ride to open, and for Jason to take Casey on it for the first time. Marcie and I snuck off to ride the Pirates ride (which she rode again with Jason, though Casey vehemently refused). We ended our trip back at California Adventure, watching Turtle Talk with Crush and riding all the rides in Bug's Land. We even managed to catch the High School Musical 3 show three times (twice just the tail end, though).

I didn't take a lot of pictures, but the ones I took actually came out pretty nicely. Here are a few of my favorites:

Casey carried this journal with him, copying down words and drawing pictures of things he liked in the park. Sometimes his writing-while-walking slowed as down a bit. But who wants to discourage that? So we went with it. This is arriving at the Park.

A nice couple visiting for their anniversary snapped this one of us at Toy Story. I convinced Jason to wear the 3-D glasses. But not Marcie. She's one tough negotiator. And I'm not kidding.

There is no significance to the letter "A" except that it was empty and the kids wanted to climb on it this morning.

One of our favorite things about Bug's Land is the repeated reference to Casey's name. But Disneyland isn't selling paraphernalia with "Casey" on it anymore. We got some at Disneyworld before he was born, but we couldn't find mugs or key chains or anything with "Casey" on it this time. What's up with that?

Lucky Seven

2010-01-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

Friday we celebrated Casey's 7th birthday.

I'm not sure why sevens are considered lucky-- but I can count at least two reasons I'm one lucky mom: Casey and Marcie. This year, for the first time, Casey expressed intent interest in the "day he was born." We told him how we'd been at Disneyworld with a friend of his from school's parents. We told him about the airplane, meeting his birthmom and the snowstorm. We told him how he cried at first, but we held him while we fed him. We told him how lucky we felt then-- and how lucky we still feel that his birthmom picked us. Casey thinks we're lucky, too. And he is not quick to let us forget it. I'm okay with that.

This weekend I continued my organization spree by cleaning out the "junk closet," which is what our closet in the computer room/ study had become. I came across the certificate of flight Casey got when we flew home from Ohio shortly after he was born. I came across a lot of photos from his first year of life. I found some school work he'd completed in preschool. And I found the letter we'd sent to Casey's birthmom to introduce ourselves. Our featured picture was me with short, blond hair. On the back were several photos of us with our nephew Sal (who was an infant at the time), and pictures of our then-pets, only one of whom still lives. We all looked (and were) much younger.

Casey asked me to read him the letter, and I did. And I must say, I was pretty impressed by what we'd written. Not because we're super cool and great writers (though we are- ha ha). But because I think we've really held true to the goals we articulated, the promises we made. We wrote about how much we longed for a child. We vowed to be involved in his life by volunteering at school, attending sporting events, and reading together. We explained that we believe in hard work and the Golden Rule, and we wrote about how we would preach tolerance of all races and religions and creeds while at the same time emphasizing our own beliefs. But above all, we promised we would fill our home with unconditional love. I think we've done these things. So far.

Of course, Casey is only seven. He has a (hopefully) very, very long future ahead of him. But so far, I'm impressed. And I don't really think I can take the credit. Casey is just a great kid. He is genuinely sweet. When I asked him to pick just a few kids to invite to his birthday, he refused. He wanted to include the whole class. Not because he wanted a lot of gifts, but because he couldn't possibly choose just a few friends-- he likes everyone. When a boy in another first grade class got hurt on the playground on Friday morning before school, Casey ran back to the playground to find the boy's backpack while I walked the kid to the office. Then Casey offered to stay with the boy in the nurse's office until school started. This wasn't someone Casey hangs out with regularly. But Casey was undeniably concerned.

When I see Casey, he still gives me bear hugs and big grins. He asks me to crawl in bed with him to cuddle on cold mornings. He curls up next to me on the couch. When he's being mean, he knows it and he apologizes for, literally, "acting like a jerk." When it comes to Emotional IQ (or "EQ" as it's called), Casey is kind of a genius. He is truly amazing. And, in the end, that's what we want for our kids-- that they are comfortable in their own skin, capable of getting along in the world, and genuinely happy. Maybe some of this is parenting. But in Casey's case, I can't help but feel like I really hit the jackpot.

Here are some photos of how he celebrated his big day:

The night before his birthday, I baked mini chocolate muffins -- his favorite (the chocolate part, not the mini part)-- to share with his class. He later told me that they all sang him "Happy Birthday," and he even got to, literally, take a bow.
Before school, we let Casey open presents from his Godmother, his cousins, and from his grandparents. The globe, which he's been asking for now for a few months, was a big hit. (Yes, the other presents are wrapped in Christmas paper-- but paper is paper, and it all gets torn up anyway. This gift, if you must know, was wrapped in Hanukkah paper.)

After school, we met up with Casey's San Diego cousins (and their parents) and his Aunty Tiffy at Red Robin for dinner (Casey's favorite). This is before dinner. From left to right: Calliope, Jason, Casey, Joey and Uncle Bryan. Ethan and Casey's aunts must've been behind me.

Ok. So this isn't Casey. It's Ethan, his 2 1/2 year old cousin. But I couldn't resist putting it in here because Ethan is just so darn cute, and I knew how much my mom would love the photo. . .

Ouch

2010-01-12T19:04:00.000-08:00

It never feels good to get a phone call from the school during the school day. (I say this like it's happened to me a lot; it hasn't.) In those few seconds before I picked it up, my head sort of spun and my stomach lurched. Casey gave no indication that he wasn't feeling well this morning. And school was to end just about an hour after the phone call.

The worried voice on the other end revealed that Casey had been stung by a bee. On the tip of pointer finger. He was resting comfortably with ice on it. They let him talk to me on the phone ("It hurts a LOT, Mommy," he said, sounding all of a sudden very small.)

Of course the school was worried. And how responsible of them to call. She'd checked his file and noted that we didn't mention any bee allergies.

Of course I thanked them for the call. Casey is not allergic to bees. He's been stung before-- in fact, I think it was on his pointer finger. That time, though, he poked the bee, so it was kind of his fault.

Anyway, he's fine. Or he will be. But you know how kids are around bees-- no matter how much you tell them to stand still, they flip out and that just makes them a bigger target. . .

Pugasus' Big Adventure

2010-01-09T17:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, when the trash was left by the curb, our side gate (apparently) did not latch all the way shut. At some point in the not-very-windy day, it teetered open, leaving enough space for our beloved Pugasus to escape.

When we arrived home, a little after 8:00 p.m., following a birthday party, we discovered the open gate. And the missing Pugasus.

After thoroughly searching the yard by flashlight, driving a loop around the neighborhood with the high beams on (and Marcie choking back tears rather unsuccessfully), and scouring the front stoops of our neighbors on foot, we had to call it a night.

Where could Pugasus have gone? He's over 10 years old now. He has only one eye. He gets stiff in his hips. He's nearly deaf. And his "good" eye just isn't that good. He can't even make it on a walk to the end of the street. But he was, without doubt, missing.

So, this morning we set out to hang up flyers all over the neighborhood. About 20 of them. And they each sported this photo of Pugasus:

Just as we were getting ready to leave for the movies, to help their kids get their minds off the missing dog (Casey wrote Pugasus a note that read: Dear, Pugasus Please come back. Love, Casey." (Yes, the comma is in the wrong place; but I'm impressed he included the comma!)), the telephone rang.

"I know where your dog is," this sweet voice on the other end said to me. "Do you?"

"No, I don't. Did you see the signs?"

"Oh, I did," she replied. "I just wasn't sure if you'd found him yet."

"Well, I hung the signs, called the shelter, called Pug Rescue, and talked to our vet. Since he doesn't have a chip, there's just not much else I can do at this point," I explained. I admit it. I was a little defensive-- and irritated-- by the caller. Initially.

Then she explained that she'd taken him to a nearby vet. And they'd called animal control. And he was in the shelter. I thanked her for the information, and offered to come give her the reward money, which she graciously declined.

We called the vet to confirm they had not kept Pugasus over night (they hadn't). And, unable to reach the shelter people (still), we headed on up there anyway. It's about a 25 minute drive.

When we arrived, the first woman we spoke was downright mean. "There's no pug here," she began. "I was the one on call last night, and I didn't pick up any pugs."

"Well, the vet said a man picked him up."

"Well that can't be because I was the one on call," she said again.

"Well perhaps he wasn't picked up at night-- could you check the records?" I asked.

"You'll have to pay fees to get him out," she started.

"Of course."

"And we'll have to give him a rabies shot before we can release him."

"If you need to give him a shot, then please do."

"We do."

"So you said. Please do whatever you need to do so that we can take him home."

She sort of growled some more at us, then finally went into another room and came back. "He's here," she said.

Finally another, much nicer woman, took over the case. She told us they'd put Pugasus in his own room because he was so mellow. And after we paid the boarding fees and the pick-up fees and the rabies shot fees, she went to get him.

He looked enormously fat to us, for some reason. We're guessing they over-fed him a little. But we had him.

As we were leaving, at least two other workers stopped us to tell us what a sweet dog he was, how much they loved him, and how they'd wanted to take him home for the night. (We could certainly understand that--we would have much preferred to have him in our home last night.)

We stopped and took down all our signs on the way home-- one of our friends' sons (a friend of Casey's), who'd been upset by the news of Pugasus' disappearance popped his head in the car to see the dog.

Pugasus certainly seems no worse for the wear. He's been sleeping all afternoon. That figures.

Getting Busy Organizing

2010-01-02T23:17:00.000-08:00

We spent New Year's Day together as a family, mostly just hanging out. We went to the Wild Animal Park, where we watched the cheetahs actually chase down some crows. Here we are (unfortunately, Casey closed his eyes just in time for the photo):

And then today, I decided it was time to start organizing. People who know me think I'm a highly organized person (I am, actually, just not physically.) But the truth is that I have a very high tolerance for clutter. In fact, as I type, there is only enough space on my desk for my arms and my keypad. The rest of the desk is covered with stuff-- mostly plugs and documents that need to be filed or shredded. But I'm too lazy to take care of it. Keeping things tidy takes effort. And someone who cares.

In any case, after looking back through photo after photo of the kids at the kitchen table with a cluttered mess behind them on the kitchen counter, I got serious. Here was the result:

I have no idea if we'll be able to keep it this way. But I'm willing to try. It may seem a little ridiculous to you-- but we don't have an office "nook" in our kitchen. And we need to keep homework and school supplies, batteries, scissors and stamps, coupons and gift cards-- all that sort of stuff-- close at hand. I'm hopeful this will do the trick.

Next I'm tackling the bedroom. Then the office. Wish me luck.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T15:52:00.000-08:00

I had planned to write a really meaningful post to celebrate the new year. A review of 2009. The highlights, at least. But now I'm tired from uploading all the Christmas stuff. So, instead, here is how we celebrated (once again, east-coast style).

We started out our evening with a 5:00 p.m. dinner at a nearby restaurant (actually one of the nicest ones in Poway, the Brigantine) with some friends of ours with whom we've spent the last 3 or 4 New Year's Eves. The photo is of Grace and Matt with their son Lucas. Their daughter, Lila, celebrating her first New Year's Eve in the U.S., was at the other end of the table.

The kids were all pretty good at dinner. We ordered their food right away, which I'm sure helped. That and the strategic use of i-phone games.

After dinner, we came back to our house, where we mostly played wii games. Lucas brought his Mario Olympic Sports game to share, and since I have the Wii Fit, we were able to use the balance board for some fun ski-jumping.

Lila turns two January 2nd, and in honor of her birthday, the kids picked out some presents for her. This is Marcie "helping" her play with one of her new gifts. I'm glad we got to help Lila celebrate something because she sure wasn't going to make it to 9:00 p.m. to help us ring in the new year. . .

But just before 9:00 p.m. the kids donned their pajamas, we laid out some bubble wrap on the floor for stomping, pulled out our homemade noise makers (from water bottles and beans), found the CNN count-down in New York, and rung in the New Year loudly. Without even waking up Lila.

The kids toasted with Sparkling Cider in special (plastic) flutes Casey and Marcie had picked out. This was the first year they were really aware of what it means to "toast," and all three kids had plenty to share (so long as it meant they could clink their glasses and sip their sparkling cider).

After the "midnight" festivities (which also included us calling my mom's cell phone to leave a very loud "Happy New Year" shouting message), the kids brushed their teeth and cuddled on the couch watching Monsters vs. Aliens while the grown-ups played a very quick game of Quelf.

The B family left around 10:30, and Jason and I crawled into bed, where I fell asleep watching The Hangover with him.

I'm a big believer in spending New Year's Eve with the people you look forward to spending the New Year with. So I'm glad we do something with our kids-- and our friends.

She Asked The Question

2010-01-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

Sitting in the crowded (overbooked) waiting area for our flight home from North Carolina, my inquisitive, spit-fire daughter looked up at me and asked The Question:

"Mommy, how do you get the baby out of the tummy?"

Eyes all over the waiting area turned and looked at me and Jason.

But we were completely prepared.

"Marcie, we will tell you all about it. Later. Not at the airport."

And we did. Well, I did. The next day. I explained both ways. She asked if it hurt. I was honest (I don't know, but I've heard it does). But does it hurt very bad? Yes, I think so. But it's worth it. When you're 30. Because that's how old you should wait to be until you become a mom. (This is my standing answer for everything.)